Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I think It's Safe

SalGal said that to me the other day and I bent over laughing, holding my stomach guffawing while thinking about all the times that "I think it's safe" is well meant, but highly inappropriate.

My friend in high school said,"I think it's safe," when she gave me the capsule with mescaline in it. Then, after she double-dawg-dared me to swallow it and I DID of course, she sang,"Well, it's too late baby now, it's too late," by Carol King.

Think of all our ancestors who were out foraging in the woods for food and one of them said to the other in Neanderthal, "think safe...try." Of course, they would only know it was safe if the taster didn't keel over dead with foam coming out of his mouth (notice the masculine taster here...hehehe). Actually, it would be a male taster because they had to save all the females for birth giving, and believe you me, they were NOT saying before having sex, "I think it's safe."

Think of all the times you asked the passenger in the car whether there were any cars coming your way from their side. "I think it's safe." BLAM,POW,CRASH!!!!!! After quite a fender bender your passenger would then say it again, "I think it's safe," when you tried to keep on driving the bent and crippled vehicle.

Think of the first person who said, "I think it's safe," when disembarking from the boat on the shores of a new land...right before the natives arrowed them all to death, boiled them in those big black pots and then shrunk their heads.

And, last but not least, think of how many women who hadn't a clue when they were ovulating said to their lovers, "I think it's safe." And the twins' names are Coulda and Shoulda!!



All I can think of is that scene in 'Marathon Man' where the doctor had Dustin Hoffman in that dentist's chair and was drilling a hole in his front tooth with no anesthetic and asking him over and over again, "Is it safe?" Luckily Dustin escaped and went running around Central Park or somewhere like that and was able to get away because he was a marathon runner.

I remember saying to myself, "I think it's safe" right before I fell in love with a guy who turned out to be gay, the day we introduced my cat (Buddy) to KK's cat (Odessa) in what used to be the living room, and right before I had 'one more' mango margarita at the Hula Hut last July 4th. I don't remember what happened after that except that the next day I woke up in a man's bathing suit and found KK sound asleep in a daisy patch in the back garden.

I think it's safe to eat bacon, butterscotch and fried calamari as long as you don't eat all of that at the same time. I think it's safe at our age to play golf but not to jump on trampolines. I think it's safe to say what you mean if Mike Tyson isn't in the room, wear what you want in front of Joan Rivers and dance the hokey-pokey on the steps of the Capital Building. In fact I know that last one is.



insane mama said...

Or when you think your kids are asleep and say " I think it's safe" and suddenly they are banging on your door while you are about to have sex

Alice said...

We used "I think it's safe" all the time in Peace Corps. Maybe they should think of a slogan switch.

Bear Naked said...

I think it is safe to say that every time I vist here you two are going to make me laugh.

April said...

with my luck i would think it was safe...then fall down the steps of the capital building