The Making OF..."Acceptable Insanity"

We're ba'ack! What a blast! If you've never made a movie, make one for Jesus'sake. Of course, SalGal has been involved in one way or t'other in the movie biz for some 25 odd years...check out her IMDB resume



She ran our shoot like a damn PRO and laughed and giggled with all the rest of us. Here are a few photos from the set: The cast and crew at lunch above...we were hungry, whatdoyouwant??

SalGal in director mode and in costume for the Cowpoke's Ball



















KK in costume for The Cowpoke's Ball and












Sal and Pam preparing for a scene

















and...the cowpatty cake!!




Here's the gist: The Midlife Gals (with Pam as their social secretary) try to crash a veddy swanky ball by creating an item for the auction (the cowpatty cake). Their efforts are thwarted by the social 'hostess with the mostest' in the A-Town. She also happens to be having an affair with the smarmy station manager of the public access channel which The Ancient One owns and on which the Midlife Gals have a weekly program discussing all the social goings on in the city.

No one wants the Midlife Gals to crash their parties, but that hardly slows them down!

And, here is a short video of The Ancient One from behind with her 'crop-circle' hair from her pillow on the couch. Sal is discussing a scene of us making the cow patty cake for the Cowpoke's Ball. We don't actually make the cake...it is made by the MOST wonderful 'Ace of Cakes' in Austin...Cakeism. Wayne is the sound guy and Matt the cinematographer. Hehehe....

Now we sell it to HBO and we're on our way. You didn't think we'd actually SHOW you the pilot...oh, no. You have to stay tuned for that on TV!!

Love,
KK and SalGal

Midlife Gals Makin' Mischief

We'll be back to blogging come Monday, but right now, we're spending the next few days making a film! We're shooting a 30-minute pilot for the sitcom that we'll then try to sell to HBO, Showtime or any other cable or network channel...think Lucy and Ethel (after those deadbeats, Fred and Desi)!

We're having a ball and will be able to post some photos and maybe some video soon. Thanks for your patience. We can promise some sick stories upon our return.

Please come back on Monday!!!!!!!! Don't desert us.

KK and Sal

Welcome to the Evening News...

Are your local TV news personalities as entertaining as ours? The woman on our NBC affiliate was arrested a few months ago for DUI. You should see her. She looks like she should be doing the Nekkid News for a Latino station...VERY hot chica, but she yells the news. That bothers me. I want to bitch slap her and tell her that for those viewers who are deaf, we can turn up our own volume at home. She wears false eyelashes and RED lipstick and her only competition is the gay weatherman with his yellow shirts with pink stripes and matching ties.

On another channel, we have the field reporter with a lithp. This is REALLY dithtracting. I understand the whole equal opportunity employer thingy, but this child needs some speech therapy. I have a morbid fascination in watching her lips because I can't figure out how she can be so off, which then means that I have NO idea what the story is that she's reporting. And, someone with a lithp going into news broadcasting is a little like Diane Keaton selling skin wrinkle cream, right? Or Kirsty Ally for Jenny Craig. I'm just sayin.'

There are two news anchors here in the A-Town who are almost as old as I, and they just keep moving from network to network. You'd think they would get it by being sacked by ABC, and then you'd think that the CBS affiliate would think twice before hiring them, and then when those ratings dive, I'd commit the NBC station manager to a nut house for taking them in after two other massive failures. There are even COMMERCIALS about them and how they're experienced and knowledgeable, but everyone would much rather watch the hot chica than either one of them...bless their hearts.

Of course, there are the requisite 'blondes.' One of them is absolutely beautiful but cannot finish a sentence without a misspeak to save her life. I am continually amazed that she's still working as she bumblefucks her way through a story. Am I the only one who notices these things? I think not.

Because we like to keep things 'weird' here in the A-Town (it's actually our city's moniker), we have the local white-haired, bearded 'everyman,' who does special interest stories about nutty people around the hill country of central Texas. And, to make his style points at the end of each program, he'll say, " and THAT'S the wayitis in OUR little neckofthe woods." This is another person I'd like to wallop. His delusions of grandeur far outweigh his story content. I am compelled to watch this program of his in spite of him because of the total wack-a-doos whom he finds in the little nooks and crannies of small villages, underground caves, snake farms and trailer parks.

I won't mention the weight problems with which some of our news people grapple...oops, I accidentally did, didn't I? Well, now that it's out...tsk, tsk, tsk. They should not be allowed to cover stories on food, exercising, weight loss or healthy eating, okay? It's embarrassing.

Good Night Chet.

KK

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When I was a little kid I wanted to be either a cowgirl, a nun or a news reporter. I thought all you had to do was stand in front of a big picture of the White House and read from a big sign that somebody held up for you. That's the way the news reporters looked in the 50's. But there were not any women back then. They were all men and they smoked on camera too. I thought that was very cool and wanted to be just like them; serious, important and able to pal around with Hemmingway or Ed Sullivan.

Now I realize that I would never have been able to pull it off. My problem is that I just can't keep my mouth shut when I should. And I have a tendency to say things as they are. I can just hear me now, "Well, David, here we are in west Texas at the site of the devastation this monster tornado left in its wake. Luckily and magically there were no injuries but this whole town looks like a big old heap of crap. People are just going to have to bum some food and clothes off of their families in other towns cause what with the government being sidetracked by the stupid ass war in Viet Nam, I doubt that there will be any relief for these people any time soon. They'll be lucky to scrounge up some Bud and a bag of Cheetos before the Red Cross rolls in with some desperately needed blankets, spam and Lucky Strikes. Till then, David, these people are just shit out of luck. Back to you."

Barbara Walters opened the way for women in network reporting but she paid the price. Gilda Radner pointed out her speech impediment on Saturday Night Live to the whole world and after interviewing every important person on the planet she ended up on a show with Rosie O'Donnell. It's so sad.

I guess I'll be signing off now. Good night, David.

SalGal

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It...The Ancient One Rises From The Couch!

It took Mother's Day to do it and LOTS of planning to get The Ancient One to agree to go to brunch, but by Gawd, we got 'er done. It's surprising that any of us could waddle out of the house because for Mother's Day, we got TAO the MOST rich chocolate buttercream cake, of which we all partook in small quantities in the am...so, we felt like we needed a nap before we even left.

Then we had to get her dressed, made up and hair curled. Our lunch was at 1:30 pm so we started at 9:30am. Some of you won't be surprised by this. For example, in order to curl her hair, we had to get her from the couch to another chair in the living room where there was a plug. This took about 6 minutes...tick tock!

While I was curling her hair, she just started stream of consciousness talking nonstop. Luckily, because I was behind her with the curling iron, I could watch Meet The Press while she jabbered on. Sal and I have learned how to work with her while tuning her completely out, but with the requisite 'mm, hms' and 'absolutelys.' She told me for the umpteenth time about her cousin, Kelly, who was her favorite family member. He was gay...making his living by tripping and falling all over downtown San Francisco, then suing whoever owned the property. He finally died of alcoholism. It was sweet to listen to her walk down memory Lane (for about five minutes...remember, we've heard this story).

Next, Sal took over with the dressing and adorning with appropriate jewelry. She had to get from the chair, down the hallway to her bathroom...another 9 minutes for that...with a stop to look out on the deck at the squirrels. SalGal could be heard saying things like, "Not those shoes...no, no, no...red doesn't go with pale blue," "Here's the armhole, right here...little farther...lift your head so I can button your blouse."

The walk from the front door to the car always takes the longest because she begins to realize that she is OUTSIDE! With each step, she discovers something new...it is soooo much like taking a toddler out that we smile because of all the things she's (re) discovering. Verrrrrrry carefully we pour her into the front seat of the car and off we go!

We arrive at her very small country club in our neighborhood and people become immediately helpful in getting her from the car to the dining room. It's Mother's Day, and she's so obviously a MOTHER! Then, it's a glass of Chardonnay for each of us. She looks beautiful and is happy and smiling and retelling other stories as Sal and I keep drinking. Such a lovely time was had by all and because the service was so outstanding and because we're not used to getting liquored up in the late morning, we walk to the buffet area where the staff is beginning to break it all down and we stand and applaud! They're gobsmacked but thankful. We're semi-embarrassed because applauding the staff is not country-club behavior, but we always want people to know what good jobs they are doing.

SalGal will continue this story from here. I'm tired just thinking about it and a new day dawns!

KK

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After lunch we drove around the quiet neighborhoods to look at the houses, comment on the tree growth and steal flowers from people's gardens. This always makes for a nice bouquet on the coffee table. All you need is a quick exit, a paper bag and a pair of clippers.

We got home at about 3:30PM and headed for seperate beds. Well, The Ancient One went straight for the couch as usual, KK dove into her bed and I went into the back bedroom. It was a given that naps were to be taken immediately. If you were to walk around the house an hour later you would have seen dark rooms with cats draped and snoozing over the backs of chairs and women snoring everywhere in the stillness of the late afternoon.

We all woke up at about five o'clock but only because the cats were hungry and decided to let us know by using the house as a jungle-gym and using our sleepy bodies for traction in their chasing of each other. The huge cake sat on the coffee table like a giant giraffe turd but that and the neighborhood roses made the house smell like a funeral at the Sarah Lee factory.

The Ancient One got into her robe and KK and I settled in for the three hour finale of 'Survivor.' Heaven. That was a perfect day.

We hope you had a perfect day too,
SalGal

Midlife Humiliations

"Do you have trouble getting urine to pass?" One of the MANY new television commercials aimed at our age group. I especially like the new one about gas where the office colleague tells his boss, whose mind is focused on nothing BUT his gaseous problem, "Sir, your son is line toot." that one makes me laugh out loud with my head back.

You poor mens, because a LOT of those commercials are aimed at YOU, but then you do die before we do usually. Like the commercial about the shrinking prostate and the poor man who is spray-painting all the tiny planets for his upcoming display has to keep going to the bathroom. You won't like this, but I have so little sympathy for those of you with this problem. Try sitting on a toilet seat that still holds the last lady's pee pee that you couldn't see because the ultraviolet lighting wasn't quite at the right angle. Here's to all of you who could simply stop the car on a long road trip, walk to the side...or not...whip it out and pee right there standing up instead of squatting behind the car so no one would see you except all the station wagons full of other families who came up the hill and then passed by you waving, laughing and screaming. There is justice in there somewhere. And you could target your spray instead of wind up with a pair of wet tennis shoes when you got back in the car. Do I sound bitter?

When I used to teach yoga, I had a posture that I called the 'water closet hover.' This posture is where one simply bends the knees as low as one can go while the back is straight and the arms are stretched straight out in the front. Ha!, you may say, but this is a required position in any toilet stall so as to NOT sit down on someone else's pee pee. It also gives the thighs great definition if you use it enough...by either going to the bathroom often or taking a lot of yoga classes.

There isn't one of our kind who hasn't had to leave a room after passing gas or pooting as The Ancient One calls it. That's a given, but the difference between the mens and the womans is that the mens push and the womans pull it back in. They don't call them skid marks for nothing! In our cases, we puff up like toads until we're in a secured, closed-off area far away from any form of civilization and then, and only then, do we let'er rip.

SalGal swallows her burps. I don't even know how one does that, but sure enough, she keeps them inside. Every now and again, out of the blue, she'll say, "Oops, excuse me." I say, "What in the hell for?" "I burped." "You call that a BURP?" And then we start laughing and a small amount of tee tee escapes because we just can't hold it in. I am lovin middle age! I have a gal pal who has to stand and cross her legs completely around each other if someone says something funny because she really can't hold it in which makes everyone around her laugh even harder. She then hops around the room on that one leg with her head back and her mouth wide open...just peeing and laughing.

There are so many more humiliations that this will be just the first part of a humiliation series. Stay tuned!!

Love,

KK

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Hahaha, she does do that and when she does she looks like some manic Pez dispenser that Tim Burton made because she has platinum, spiked out hair and the biggest mouth you ever saw. When she laughs her face disappears and becomes this huge cavern that has white stalagmites sticking up over it. (Tim Burton did 'The Night Before Christmas'just so you know)

I have this squidgy thingy on my left eyelid. It reminds me of the lava flow from a volcano I saw once. The lava was turned into rock but it still looked like it did when it was coming down the hill. I have to put on my make-up using a #5 magnifying mirror so that squidgy thingy looks about an inch wide. When I'm talking to someone and they are looking at my eyes I'm sure they are thinking, 'Why doesn't she get that squidgy thingy on her eye removed. Hmmm, maybe she doesn't think it's noticeable. I will keep looking at it so she will know it's there.'

I got a skin tag frozen off the outer edge of my right eye last week but Dr. Schulz (our dermatologist) said he couldn't do anything about squidgy thingy. I have to go to Dr. Schulz all the time to get skin tags, moles and age spots frozen off. He just looks at me and says, 'Are you ready for some pain?' So delicate. I told him beauty knows no pain and I will be coming to him until all of the squidgies all over my body are completely gone. I expected him to say something like, 'Don't worry, a couple of years - look bettah.' Kindly, old Doctor Welby he's not. Instead he just grinned a devilish smile and said, 'Good, because that means you'll be coming to me for the rest of your life.'

And that's just my eye lids. There are things going on all over my body that if I had known about when I was sixteen I probably would have crawled under the bed and curled up in the fetal position. The good thing about all of this is that my ability to deal with all of this physical stuff gets easier the older I get. I guess God planned it that way.

If you have a big mole where people can see it, get it taken off because people can see it and it's gross,
SalGal

I have

an official press release about US! Who Knew?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
May 6, 2008

The HealthCentral Network Signs Spunky “Midlife Gals” for Comedic Relief on Alzheimer’s, Skin Care Sites

ARLINGTON, VA — Who says the best times of your life have already come and gone?

The HealthCentral Network, Inc. (www.HealthCentral.com) has recently brought on The Midlife Gals, two sisters from Texas who prove that along with wrinkles and the responsibility of caring for their elderly mother comes the opportunity to cut-up and bring a smile to the face of others.

Known for their personal blog, Kelly and Sally Jackson will be writing tongue-in-cheek reflections on MySkinCareConnection.com and OurAlzheimers.com about growing old, in addition to providing videos reflecting their off-the-wall sense of humor about aging.
“Going to HealthCentral is better than calling your best friend in Dallas to get a diagnosis because she is the worst hypochondriac in west Texas!” Sally Jackson said. “We are so excited to bring the gift of laughter to the people -- patients, caregivers, wrinkly women -- who need laughter the most.”

The Gal’s blogs and videos can be seen at
at http://www.healthcentral.com/skin-care/videos-midlife-gals.html and http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/midlife-gals.html

“Watching your parents grow older and face debilitating diseases like Alzheimer’s, in addition to watching yourself turn gray, can be overwhelming”, said Chris Schroeder, CEO and President of The HealthCentral Network. “The Midlife Gals remind us that it’s OK, even therapeutic, to laugh during times of stress.”

About The HealthCentral Network
The HealthCentral Network, Inc. (www.HealthCentral.com) is one of the top health destinations on the Web, with more than 35 condition-specific, wellness and general health Web properties. By offering connections to renowned experts, a network of patients and caregivers who share "real world" experience, and in-depth information, sites in The HealthCentral Network make a meaningful difference in the lives of patients and caregivers. The HealthCentral Network also manages the highest-quality health advertising network, not building size for size's sake - but targeting condition-specific audiences who value and engage with information from marketers on their terms.

The HealthCentral Network was acquired in 2005 by Polaris Venture Partners, The Carlyle Group, Sequoia Capital, and Allen & Company. In January 2008, the Company received a significant minority investment from IAC/InteractiveCorp and additional investment from its original investors, and IAC CEO Barry Diller joined The HealthCentral Network's board of directors. In April 2008, HealthCentral and IAC Ad Solutions Network announced a new ad network agreement, making HealthCentral IAC/AS’s exclusive partner in online marketing to prescription pharmaceutical advertisers.

HealthCentral's management team combines decades of interactive media, medical and journalism experience: CEO and President Christopher Schroeder was the CEO and Publisher of Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive, the interactive subsidiary of The Washington Post Company (NYSE: WPO.)

Here's one of our Alzheimers videos, The Cotillion:

We Quit Again!!!

Yep, we're nonsmokers again. Isn't this exhausting? But, I must say, smoking again for those three weeks was an eye-opening exercise! After NOT smoking for 5 months on our last attempt, we'd gotten rid of all the physical side effects that go along with that Lauren Bacall voice and were not coughing, spewing, hawking or wheezing. So, from a clean slate, we started putting that crap back into our bodies (true addicts will understand this).

Sal and I didn't talk about any of the bad effects that we started feeling about 5 days in...that would have been too scary and the 'tiny monster' that is nicotine doesn't like that...so we bought cartons for lots of money, sat out on the deck in all but torrential downpours, and started having that closed-up feeling in the throat, the clearing of the throat all the time, REALLY bad breath, etc...you know the drill, right? It's just that by stopping and starting again the way we did, we could SEE and FEEL what it does to you and how FAST that happens.

So, one day when the 'tiny monster' had just had his fix, I suggested to Sal that we might quit in a couple of weeks again. You could just see her 'tiny monster' with his teeth gleaming and drooling in a snarl, but once she was able to put a leash on him, she replied, "Are you SURE?" We worked our way through the discussion to all the rationalizations a smoker has, and they are just LEGION, aren't they?

So, we picked up the book again, you know the one...The Easy Way to Stop Smoking? The one we used to quit in October for 5 months? Turns out it IS easy to quit, but it's easy to start again too, so therein lies the devil. Well, we re-read the book, and the author, Allen Carr can get you to read the book because he announces early on that part of his instructions are that you HAVE to keep smoking through to the end. So, one needn't fear turning the pages...except that very last one, but guess what? By then, cigarettes taste just ghastly and you don't even want one anymore. Amazing!

We've also decided that prayers, bribery, threats and financial incentives are also very helpful to kill off 'the tiny monster' rather than just keep him at bay. (Should I be concerned that I'm always using the he/him when discussing the monster? No WONDER I'm still single!!).

Wish us well, cross your fingers and hope that we stay on the WAGON!

KK

PS-I'm already giggling at those smokers who are rationalizing their monsters even as they read this post. All I can say is, "I feel your pain, but it AIN'T true!"

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God, we are such idiots but I'm still proud of us for quitting in the first place after smoking for basically 40 years. When rereading the book I saw the part where the author tells us to keep the book and never give it to anybody and never to throw it away. I thought he was just an asshole who wanted to keep the sales of his books up. I was wrong. He was right, he makes it so easy to stop that some of us start again because we say, 'We'll just stop again later.'

And therein lies the little monster. He waits down in there in the recesses of your brain until the physical cravings are completely gone and then he brings on the Oxyclean, Lysol and Tide to completely wash your brain again. We were warned but we didn't listen. At least we didn't give the book away.

Here's the brainwashing: 'It's really hard to quit. I'm as hooked as a heroin user.'
Well, guess what, when you find out that it really isn't hard to quit, you have no more excuses. You try what the book suggests - no, demands - and you realize how you have been duped for your whole life. It's like owning a cat; you love the little things but you know they run your life, you're always apologizing to people who come to the house, and pillow cases smell like an old Indian with tuna breath.

Yipee! I'm a non-smoker again!! And I don't think I'll ever start again. That's another thing the book teaches you to admit. You can never have another one. I apply that rule to hamsters, Fran's bacon/cheese/chili burgers and men.

I don't care what you do and smoke 'em if you got 'em,
SalGal