Saturday, February 17, 2018

New Olympic Event!

The Midlife Gals can't WAIT for the SUMMER Games!!




Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Happy New Year! A New Trip Around the Sun!! We Resolve...

Everyone is making resolutions, and we’re certainly not to be left out of that exercise.  We had a pretty spectacular 2017, and anticipating a brilliantly positive 2018...why?  Because WE CAN!

I resolve:

  1. to visualize, when the trade winds are blowing me off my feet, the palm trees are doin’ the hula.

  1. to be patient with SalGal when she tells me the same story for the 63rd time, knowing that the story I just told her, which triggered her old story, was one that I had told her at least 141 times before.  

  1. to keep in my memory bank the feelings of what it’s like to have a crush...with a flush in the cheek, the adrenaline, loss of appetite...and the seventeen red flags that come with another ‘wrong’ man.

  1. to welcome every new wrinkle, skin tag, mole, brown spot, stray hair where it most certainly shouldn’t be, swollen ankle, toe bending in a new direction, abscessed gum and/or new acreages of cellulite.

  1. to stop myself from straightening paintings in other people’s homes.

  1. to start paying more attention to signs...both on the roads and in my head.

  1. to wish more, stifle less.

  1. to broaden my scope, embracing every new experience with arms open and a full scream of ‘BRING IT ON!!”

  1. to have more faith that we humans can actually save the planet.

  1. to always see magical shapes in the clouds

.......There!  That ought to do it, serve me well, keep me sane and allow for modifications and/or expansions as the new year progresses!

KK
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New Year’s Resolutions are a drag.  I make them but I’m not making any promises.  A resolution is a decision, a determination, a solution, an expression of collective opinion…nowhere does its definition mention anything about a promise.  I’m just sayin’.

1. I will do my feet and toenails more often. Middle-aged feet are really ugly…gargoylish.  Heel balm and ‘Dragon’s Blood Red’ do wonders if you stay on top of it.

2. I will not cheat as much on the New York Times crossword puzzles.


3. I will erase most of the original ‘Twilight Zone’ shows on the DVR so that KK can get ‘The CBS Sunday Morning Show,’ ‘Meet The Press’ and ‘Locked Up Abroad’ back on the list.

4. I will not get mad at bad drivers.  They can’t help it if they’re stupid.  I just have to watch out for them and have ‘aloha.’ 

5. I will not put so much salt on my popcorn at the movies.

Okay, fuck it, that’s it. I’m done. 


SalGal  

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Mrs. Claus Wears Prada...


...and from the archives...every year...THIS!!!


Saturday, September 16, 2017

Security Questions No One Could EVER Answer!

The Midlife Gals have been thinking...always a scary prospect...about 'security questions.' You know, the ones you have to make up for online security...or pick the default questions that some idiot thought up to REALLY trick the criminals. Here's our list:

Sal's Security Questions:

What is your favorite vodka?
The cheapest

What is your favorite curse word?
Dick head

What would be your ideal job?
Cocktail contest judge

What was the name of your kindergarten school?
Mother's walk-in closet/purse section

What do you sleep in?
Only step-ins/no jammies

What's your favorite food?
pâté de foie gras or a Frito Pie with extra cheese

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KK's Security Questions:

In what location did you lose your virginity?
Parent's living room floor

What did you name your current automobile?
Kukla

What goes with olives?
Seriously? Martinis...du'uh.

Which husband was your favorite?
Mr. 3
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Now, if we can just remember our answers! 

KK and Sal