Saturday, March 18, 2017
It’s time again for humans to try to change the natural cycle of days and nights. What a fun game it is. Of course, it totally fucks with our internal waking and sleeping cycles, but what the hell, let’s mandate changing the clocks. God laughs. She laughs as we try to figure out whether to ‘fall back’ or ‘spring forward.’ She guffaws when we say, “Okay, now if it’s 7 am, it’s really 6 am, or if it’s 6 am, it’s really 7 am??”
Not to mention what it does to our pets. They have routines. They like their routines and do not want you to change them. They feel as if, when it is time to eat, that very minute is sacrosanct. To the second. So, if they now have to wait an additional hour, it’s not pretty. They will scratch your furniture, harm each other in an attempt to get your attention and then look at you as if to say, “If you do not feed me, I will die within the next 60 minutes. My body cannot survive. Look at me! I have to have my dinner, and I mean RIGHT NOW! Fuck the clock. What is that thing anyway?”
I’m all for ‘saving daylight,’ because I prefer daylight to darkness, especially at 5 pm. There is an expression, “burnin’ daylight,’ which, I think, came from a ranch foreman who, when trying to roust his cowboy hands early in the morn, screamed, “Get up you lazy-ass, good-for-nothing, tin horns...you’re burnin’ daylight, and there’s work to do...Cowboy up!” But, “saving daylight?” How does one do that? We’ve been allotted natural cycles of the passing of the sun, and as one with control issues, I understand the premise of wanting to manipulate daylight, but jeez, there are so many other really controllable issues, aren’t there? Seriously?
There will be people out of sorts for months because of this folly. Be careful. Watch out for these people. They’re angry because they’re missing an extra hour of sleep, or is it that they’re getting an extra hour of sleep? I get confused.
Fall forward…..huh? That reminds me of the time I tripped on a pebble in an underground parking lot in Glendale. I landed on my hands and jammed my wrists into my elbows. Have you ever done that? You get dirt and gravel stuck in your palms, your whole system is shocked, and the only thing you’re really worried about is if anybody saw you. What was I talking about….
Oh, yeah, fall forward. That reminds me of ‘I before E except after C.’ That never made any sense to me either. Where does the line start? If your name is after C, then that means the line goes from left to right if you are looking at it from across the street. But what if the line goes from right to left? Then the C is at the front but the I or the E is after it. That’s fucked up.
Fall forward. That means the clock, right? So that means you turn the clock to 1AM if it’s midnight. So, if you wake up at 8 AM, as I am want to do, then for the first few days you are really waking up at 7AM. That’s before you get acclimated and begin to really wake up at 8AM in your mind. So…..if it’s 6PM the first night, then it’s really only 5PM….is that right? Then why is it dark at an earlier time? It wasn’t dark at 5PM yesterday. This is so confusing. This is so wrong for dyslexic people.
Don’t even try to explain any of this madness to me because I don’t give a shit. As long as the sun comes up, the creek don’t rise, and Tito’s keeps making great vodka, I can survive without everybody else’s manipulations of language and time management.
I need my martini. What time is it?
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Youza! KK Just received a nice review of her comic mystery novel from Kirkus Indie Review site!
Debut novelist Jackson tells the story of a world-weary Texan woman at a yoga ashram in this comic thriller.
Forty-year-old Wendy Tate’s third marriage is on the rocks. Her husband recently had an affair with a younger
co-worker, and her own psychiatrist proves useless for anything other than comic relief. Deciding to distract herself by
getting a certificate in yoga instruction, the Texas-raised Wendy leaves her home in Boston for an ashram outside
Louisville, Kentucky. “An ashram is a place where I can go to change my life,” she explains to her skeptical mother.
“Then I’ll come back to Texas and open a little studio and make my living as a yoga teacher.”
However, Wendy’s initial
impressions of the place aren’t great: the dormitories are in a converted roadside motel; the staff and students are odd,
both in appearance and in personality; and the swami who serves as the community’s guru is a nonsensical old man. As
Wendy sniffs at the meager food and sneaks cigarettes, meat, and booze between classes, she begins to question her
decision to come to the ashram at all—until she discovers an undercover FBI agent on the property who’s investigating
whether the yogi retreat is actually a cult. The agent needs a partner, and Wendy may be the only student who’s cynical
enough to help him take the ashram down. Jackson writes in a sharp, easy-flowing prose that manages to capture the
sardonic voice of her protagonist: “The day was lovely, the sun was shining, she was in the beautiful state of Kentucky,
and Wendy already wanted to kill someone.” The plot moves at a quick clip, and the tone is light enough that even the
narrative’s most unusual aspects feel believable. Some of the plot twists are rather easy to anticipate, and readers may be
somewhat disappointed by the unsurprising ending, but on the whole, the reading experience is enjoyable, compelling,
and leisurely. It’s one of those rare books that ends too soon, which will leave its audience primed for more series
A fast mystery that benefits from the author’s comedic tilt.
And, for pity's sake, you can buy it on Amazon (for Kindle) for $7.99, which is a bargain for a comic, cosmic mind warp! Here is the link to the Amazon page: