Doomsday Check(off) List
So, we have the kind of survival kit that might make you laugh, and one could argue that we are not ready for anything, much less the end of the world. This got us thinking, so we decided to write our bucket lists of ‘missions accomplished’ instead of things we want to do, because, let’s face it…time’s a wasting or there IS no more time…whatever. Sally’s list will differ wildly from mine, which is why we love each other so much. It keeps the conversation during our evening martini quite lively.
Here is my list:
Learned how to ride a horse when I was about 3 or 4
Tied the high school state champion high-jump record when I was in junior high. Premature height had something to do with this. It was either that or play basketball. I didn’t like the girls’ basketball uniforms.
Voted ‘Most Obnoxious’ of my high school senior class. I was actually running for ‘Most Sarcastic,’ but my fellow students apparently thought otherwise.
Lost my virginity at 17 and never wanted to do THAT again!
Saw my sweetheart on Bob Hope’s Christmas TV special from Vietnam in 1971
Married 3 times to 3 (okay, 2) amazing men, both of whom I still love
Got to ride a cutting horse in competition
Went on a cattle drive in Colorado
Took a wild horse trek through Tuscany
Got to see ‘Il Palio’ in Siena, Italy (an 800-year old, pageant-filled horse race around the piazza)
Asked Samuel Ramey (the Met's famous baritone opera singer) and a table full of fellow opera singers to sing happy birthday to me because it was my 40th birthday...and they DID.
Got to see my daddy’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery, and finally put The Ancient One to rest there with him
Met Prince Charles
Went on a few safaris in Africa
Got to see the actual Lascaux cave in France…with the old man, who as a 14-yr-old, fell into a hole in the ground with his buddies…and there it all was…all the majesty of paintings, stories, hand prints. We all cried.
Saw The Three Tenors sing at the Hollywood Bowl
Met Merle Haggard
…and then we moved to Hawaii!!
SOME OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD
OLIVER STONE hired me to do casting on ‘Natural Born Killers’ and then made me play Mickey’s Mom.
SAM SHEPARD hired me because I ordered a martini instead of white wine.
ROBERT ALTMAN fired me because he didn’t like the shoes I wore to work one day.
Kept seeing the actors walking by and talking on horseback and decided ‘City Slickers’ was going to be a bomb.
Told a young KEVIN COSTNER in an elevator in 1983 that if he wasn’t an actor he should think about it seriously. He was way ahead of me.
Worked too many times with MICKEY ROURKE and watched him speed across White Sands, stealing $80,00.00 worth of Armani wardrobe.
Was downstairs in the lobby of the La Fonda Hotel when Mickey shot Carrie Otis.
Cast a TV series for SPIELBERG.
Watched TED LEVINE do a cross-legged imitation of himself as the killer in ‘Silence of the Lambs’ while he wore chaps and spurs on a western.
Listened to RICHARD HARRIS sing Camelot at a bar in Roswell, New Mexico.
Got drunk with DERMOTT MULRONEY while listening to a new singer/friend of his named MELISSA ETHRIDGE.
GREER GARSON was my mom’s best friend and changed my diapers daily after she did ‘Mrs. Minniver’.
National Champion swimmer and known on the front pages of all the newspapers in Mexico City as ‘La Tigressa de la Mariposa.’
Heard a famous, bombshell, sexpot actress beg CHRISTOPHER WALKEN to let her give him a blowjob and heard him say no because he was married and loved his wife. Restored my faith in men.
Hired eight scientists in charge of the probe to Mars as extras on ‘Speechless’ and talked with them for twelve hours about what was going on at the labs in Los Alamos.
Have FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA’S spaghetti sauce recipe.
Studied Art and English in college for four years and thought I was going to be a painter.
Survived a flashflood on set while running for my life up a ravine with PETER COYOTE.
Had the star of ‘The Lone Ranger’ throw up in my driveway and two years later had him wait on my table at ‘Jezebel’ in NYC. (Quentin Spillsbury)
Watched PAUL NEWMAN give Kevin Costner an acting lesson in a scene on a dock in New Harbor, Maine.
Watched a stuntman threaten a 16-year-old CHARLIE SHEEN after the teen star pointed a prop gun at him in jest. Listened to Charlie read his poetry under a tree.
Wore braces on my legs just like Forest Gump’s when I was a kid. I could swear those were mine they used in the movie.
‘Weight Watchers’ uses my recipe for homemade mayonnaise in their cookbook and I got gypped out of any remuneration from it.
Said ‘fuck it’ and moved to Hawaii to witness the end of the world. Might as well be in paradise when it happens….