Monday, May 5, 2008

We Quit Again!!!

Yep, we're nonsmokers again. Isn't this exhausting? But, I must say, smoking again for those three weeks was an eye-opening exercise! After NOT smoking for 5 months on our last attempt, we'd gotten rid of all the physical side effects that go along with that Lauren Bacall voice and were not coughing, spewing, hawking or wheezing. So, from a clean slate, we started putting that crap back into our bodies (true addicts will understand this).

Sal and I didn't talk about any of the bad effects that we started feeling about 5 days in...that would have been too scary and the 'tiny monster' that is nicotine doesn't like we bought cartons for lots of money, sat out on the deck in all but torrential downpours, and started having that closed-up feeling in the throat, the clearing of the throat all the time, REALLY bad breath, know the drill, right? It's just that by stopping and starting again the way we did, we could SEE and FEEL what it does to you and how FAST that happens.

So, one day when the 'tiny monster' had just had his fix, I suggested to Sal that we might quit in a couple of weeks again. You could just see her 'tiny monster' with his teeth gleaming and drooling in a snarl, but once she was able to put a leash on him, she replied, "Are you SURE?" We worked our way through the discussion to all the rationalizations a smoker has, and they are just LEGION, aren't they?

So, we picked up the book again, you know the one...The Easy Way to Stop Smoking? The one we used to quit in October for 5 months? Turns out it IS easy to quit, but it's easy to start again too, so therein lies the devil. Well, we re-read the book, and the author, Allen Carr can get you to read the book because he announces early on that part of his instructions are that you HAVE to keep smoking through to the end. So, one needn't fear turning the pages...except that very last one, but guess what? By then, cigarettes taste just ghastly and you don't even want one anymore. Amazing!

We've also decided that prayers, bribery, threats and financial incentives are also very helpful to kill off 'the tiny monster' rather than just keep him at bay. (Should I be concerned that I'm always using the he/him when discussing the monster? No WONDER I'm still single!!).

Wish us well, cross your fingers and hope that we stay on the WAGON!


PS-I'm already giggling at those smokers who are rationalizing their monsters even as they read this post. All I can say is, "I feel your pain, but it AIN'T true!"


God, we are such idiots but I'm still proud of us for quitting in the first place after smoking for basically 40 years. When rereading the book I saw the part where the author tells us to keep the book and never give it to anybody and never to throw it away. I thought he was just an asshole who wanted to keep the sales of his books up. I was wrong. He was right, he makes it so easy to stop that some of us start again because we say, 'We'll just stop again later.'

And therein lies the little monster. He waits down in there in the recesses of your brain until the physical cravings are completely gone and then he brings on the Oxyclean, Lysol and Tide to completely wash your brain again. We were warned but we didn't listen. At least we didn't give the book away.

Here's the brainwashing: 'It's really hard to quit. I'm as hooked as a heroin user.'
Well, guess what, when you find out that it really isn't hard to quit, you have no more excuses. You try what the book suggests - no, demands - and you realize how you have been duped for your whole life. It's like owning a cat; you love the little things but you know they run your life, you're always apologizing to people who come to the house, and pillow cases smell like an old Indian with tuna breath.

Yipee! I'm a non-smoker again!! And I don't think I'll ever start again. That's another thing the book teaches you to admit. You can never have another one. I apply that rule to hamsters, Fran's bacon/cheese/chili burgers and men.

I don't care what you do and smoke 'em if you got 'em,


Elaine said...

Good luck, ladies. As someone who recently lost a lot of weight, I can vouch for the fact that remaining a thin person/non-smoker is a lot harder than becoming one. "One day at a time" is a magic phrase. Repeat it often!

Mental P Mama said...

Good luck gals! That drug Chantix may help, too. But, you have to want to quit for anything to work. You sound pretty darn resolved. So, I'm pulling for you. I quit for the last time 5 years ago, and I know I can never have another. I hate them at this point. Hate them. So there. Sweet dreams.

Anonymous said...

It is a great book though my copy is pretty beaten up since I've thrown it in frustration several million times. It has survived a two story drop though so I'm pretty impressed.

A gal pal and I used it, and it worked for me though I went through the same process as you gals of quitting, starting, then quitting for good (knock wood). Been a year quit now! But my friend grew to loathe the book, never threw it away though thank goodness since she has since quit now, for good, using it and a new stop smoking medication. You take it for a 10-14 days, and it makes you really nauseous if you smoke. Will wonders never cease it works.


P.S. Thanks for bringing some much appreciated extra quirk into my day. Your sense of humour is truly fantastic!