Sunday, March 16, 2008

Spring Has SPRUNG!

When we were making our Easter video in our BFF, Pam's garden, her next-door neighbor walked out with her toddler on her hip and said, "Well! Spring has certainly sprung at YOUR house!" Pam said, "Take that child back inside the house before he is scarred for life!" You see, Pam was the Easter bunny whom we had tied up in a chair. The look on that child's face was priceless, and I can just hear him telling his first girlfriend when he is fifteen that his first memory EVER was seeing the Easter bunny tied up in a chair with policemen torturing it. Hehehehe.....we live to serve, so if you're ever in need of scaring the crap outta your kids, just drop 'em off at our house and we'll take care of that for you.

SalGal and I are so excited that spring has come to central Texas. That is, we're happy in between all the tornado warnings and winds comin at us at 45 mph! March in Texas changes about every five minutes so we get a variety of conditions with which to deal. But, that wonderful early spring green is popping out all over, and I gasped when I saw my first bluebonnet beside the road the other day.

They're predicting a scorcher this summer. We got away with moidah last summer...not a single day over 100, but it's already been 95 here (last week), so.......those pansies from California or Yankees from the northern tundra who will be experiencing their first Austin summer are in for a BIG shocker when their flip-flops stick to the hot pavement, and the pavement itself becomes so soft you could scoop up a dollup and use it for chewing gum. You may not believe this, but our BFF actually used to do that when she was a kiddo growing up in southwest Louisiana!

To have a hot flash in August in Austin is to suffer a fate almost worse than DEATH! There is NO remedy that will help, and if you don't have to rush to the ER because you're having a friggin PANIC ATTACK from trying to cool off, then you're pulling your blouse wide open and blowing down your decolletage (if you got one...hell, even if you don't!). It's just a damn misery. There's no denying it.

But, here's the thing. I'd a whole lot rather just have to shed my blouse and bra than to have to get out of a coat, scarf, sweater, turtleneck camisole and bra in the winter...and you? I like to walk around without much on at all, truth be told. That's probably TMI for some of you, but it's not as bad as seeing The Ancient One nekkid. Lawdy, Lawdy!

Stay cool,


That's right, I am excited about spring in Austin but I'm not as excited about summer as KK is. She likes to be hot. Spring in Austin is so beautiful right now it's hard to believe that in a month or so when you walk out your door it's like walking into a preheated oven. You think you can make it to the car before your hair wilts but it's always too late. By the time the air conditioner really cools the interior of the car your nose is covered with beads of sweat, the bottoms of your thighs are stuck to the vinyl upholstery and your plastic hoop earrings have melted onto your shoulders.

And here's the thing that kills me. As you drive around town you see hundreds of people in outdoor restaurants. They sit under the trees at picnic tables and act like that 97 degree breeze is as refreshing as that flat beer that's been sitting there for only five minutes and they act like they are happy. I don't believe it. I have told KK that there will be no more outdoor concerts under the trees. She tells me it will be night time and therefor cooler but I've been here for a year now and I'm on to her. I know now that nine o'clock at night simply means the gnats are out, they're out of ribs and there's already throw-up in the trash-can next to the stage.

It's not that I like to be cold. I just hate that less than being hot. It's genetic in Texans. Like the fact that Texas women have to have painted toenails. That's just the way it is.

So...all I can do is enjoy this beautiful spring and all the colors, perfume scents and baby possums under the house. They prove that a 'baby anything' is cute. As soon as the temperature starts leveling out at 89 degrees the Austinites will feel safe enough to put their sweaters under the bed, turn their heaters off and put the plastic, Confederate Flag cushions back outside on the lawn furniture.

Get out the sun screen, mosquito spray and Margarita mix - summer is on its way!!


Mental P Mama said...

OOOh not me. I freaking hate being hot. And this mid-life crap is not working for me.

Debbie in NC said...

Gals, I think I'm about done with the "flashes" but still sweat or "perspire" more than I ever did! Have experienced that Texas heat and I don't know how you do it! I would just have to wear an under the boobs towel to catch sweat from head down!

Love the video!

Lisa B. said...

Is your hand ok SalGal? Another great video!!! Thanks gals!

Smartiplants said...

Staying cool in Texas WITH being is menopause is not pretty. I have thought I WAS close to death the last couple of years, even with the milder summer last year. I LOVE Spring! Too bad it only lasts about five minutes here in TX. Tell the Easter Bunny thanks for letting herself be tied up and her child be scarred for life for our entertainment! Husband and I enjoyed the video!

CuriousDina said...

Heaven know I hate that sweaty,clammy feeling I get after a, eh, power surge. Yuk.

But I do like how I can reduce the down covers needed to get through a cold New England night. These days, I'm the one that's the furnace at night.

I'll have to check out that wild video. Thanks gals for another giggle.

Janie said...

We hit 82 last week.

Then, it got down to 31 again this morning.

What the hell?

Life in the desert of West Texas. Y'all remember, I bet.

Snooty Primadona said...

Menopause sucks, for sure. Thankfully, I think I'm fairly past the hot flashes after not being able to conjure one up while freezing my saggy buns off in Venice Beach last weekend. Go figure. Just when you need them, lol. I guess that means I can be quirky & eccentric without much fallout now? Hmmmm... Maybe not.

Still, Texas heat is what we Texans experience year around. Sometimes at Christmas. Sometimes in February. Sometimes, who the hell knows? Certainly not the *widiots* (weather idiots). I'm not looking forward to the hair-blower-on-high-hot days, but then I'm not looking forward to mud-ball storms either, which happens when the dirt is blowing & it's raining..... Ahhhh... West Texas.