Pets R Us

The Gods have such a sense of humor where our pets are concerned, don't they? We are three women with three cats, moving through each other's zones in this house and causing laughter wherever it comes...and it comes every day without fail. All they have to do is look at us sometimes and we crack up. But, then you know how easily amused we are!

I brought over two cats when I moved in with Sal and The Ancient One...Dammit and Odessa. Dammit is my Ancient Kitty and Odessa, a spoiled toddler. Can you guess which one is really like me? Dammit has found her place in this house by The Ancient One's side. Sal and I often look at the couch to find both The Ancient One and Dammit snoring with their mouths half open. Dammit sleeps on top of the backrest so she has a view of everything and everyone. She just has an 'air' about her...rarely smiling, judging all who walk by and as consumed with the Fox News channel as her counterpart, TAO.

I also brought along my little Odessa, a long-haired calico who is so fat that we're not sure she even has a neck or legs. She's soft like a bunny rabbit, but tough as nails when it comes to holding her own with Sally's cat, Buddy. If we don't monitor the cats' eating twice a day, if either one of the other two walk away, Odessa sneaks to their bowls and gobbles down their food before you can say licketysplit. She stays where you put her which is most unlike a cat. She has few boundaries and is willful beyond the norm. She won't come near The Ancient One and although she adores Sal, she's my bitch and I'm hers.

Buddy was found in a dumpster in LA and brought to our house by Sally, and he is sooooo L.AAAA. He's handsome and knows it. He's also the only member of our household who has front claws. He thought he was the alpha cat until I showed up, and we had our moments at first. He likes to bite and he's fast as lightening. He's completely besotted with Odessa too. He wants her even though he's a eunich. She teases him mercilessly and every now and then we'll see him trying the dry nasty with her. She lets him which shows where her boundaries are. Buddy would like to kill Dammit. He just doesn't like her, doesn't understand her and wants her gone. He feels that way about The Ancient One as well. A water spray bottle is the only thing that has kept Dammit alive when he's on the prowl. He squints his eyes if we even pick up the spray bottle.

Dogs R not us! They were us, but we've grown old, slow and soft and that's why we like cats...that and the fact that we don't have to walk them or carry old plastic shopping bags around to pick up their poo. They slobber and smell, but they love us, and we applaud all of you dog people, really. We're just done with them.

Everyone should have a pet even if it's a fish!

KK

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I love my cat Buddy. He is a rascal, a scoundrel and a maker of tomfoolery. His eyes are the color of the inside of a kiwi fruit. He is black and white with very long hair that is so fine, when you touch it you can't even feel it on your fingers. It's that soft.

I imagine that in Buddy's mind he is the perfect cat. He keeps guard at the screen door, stays out of The Ancient One's way and keeps his penis clean. A dutiful cat. Buddy checks the corners for bugs and makes sure the bluebirds in the birdbath don't stay too long. Runs at the windows do this and also keep the squirrels from eating my deck plants. An exemplary cat.

When Buddy was left in the dumpster in downtown LA on skid row, I imagine he figured his master would be back to get him. He didn't know he wasn't wanted anymore... so he just waited. But the God of Cats was watching out for him. Little did he know that when that soft-hearted, redheaded animal activist named Raegan grabbed him out of that big metal box, he was headed uptown to that big skyscraper in the sky. And little did I know that the two of them together would look at me with their green eyes and sucker me into becoming Buddy's new assistant. A conniving cat. Screw the guy who owned him before, this was a new world filled with chairs to scratch, MeowMix salmon, tuna and shrimp and a mommy who didn't care if he slept on the bed.

So now Buddy, the Turkish Angora, saunters around like the king of his domain, keeps Dammit in her place with The Ancient One, abuses Odessa daily (she loves it) and makes sure the c's and J's on KK's computer work. We know this because when he is gone his work is visible on the screen.

Cats are easy. Go get one. Bring home a baby and push its paw in the kittylitter and you will have a friend that is quiet, house trained and doesn't bark when you sing.
SalGal