Thursday, March 20, 2008

High Cholesterol

I picture cholesterol as tiny red potatoes that wind up in piles together as they pass through my blood veins. It's a disgusting thought and I've battled mightily with these tiny potatoes. Doctors advised me to change my diet, so I tried...I mean, I really tried...but I ain't giving up butter or cheese or pizza. I just can NOT do it. What is a world without butter? Especially if you've tried those butter substitutes...what is in THERE? It feels like a petroleum byproduct and tastes like old body lotion.

Because I hate doctors so much, I thought, "Well, I 'll show THEM. So off I went to the health/organic/bliss ninny store and was told by someone behind their pharmacy counter (who looked like he'd just come in from skateboarding in the mall parking lot) to take these Chinese herbs and that would just clear it right up...bring everything back into balance and harmony.

When next I had my cholesterol checked, the doctor asked me what I'd been doing with my diet and I told her that diet was an issue with me and something over which I had no control. "Well, now your bad cholesterol has shot straight up and off the charts and your good cholesterol has gone waaaaaaaaay there something you're NOT telling me?"

I had to confess, but I couldn't even pronounce the name of the 'natural' herbal products I'd been taking. It was humiliating and she scolded me, threw me down on the cold linoleum floor in a head lock and calmly suggested that I do what she told me to do. May I just say, "I LOVE LIPITOR." Please don't tell me that there is anything wrong with this drug because I can eat whatever I want to now and these chemicals seek out the tiny potatoes blocking my veins and ZAP them into oblivion.

Listen, since there is a growing number on planet earth who think that 2012 is our last year here anyway, I mean ALL of us because the sun is going to blow up, I'll take my happiness while I can...come to think about it, I may start smoking again once they're sure about our future!



Oh, yes I am very happy that KK is taking Lipitor. I try to help with the meal plans too but I am also of the Julia Child school of cooking. It's not that I put butter on everything. It's just that if you are cooking a fillet Mignon you might as well saute it in butter because then you can add wine to the dregs and make a gravy in the pan that you can sop with the bread and potatoes and fried ochra. KIDDING!!!

One of you commented on how great garlic is and believe me I use lots of it. I also make sure we have blueberries, walnuts and tomatoes. KK and I like salads with parsley, radishes, celery, avocados and sometimes feta or blue cheese crumbles. We then use a little olive oil and tons of lemon juice. That's our favorite meal I think. We are lemon fanatics. We put it on everything. So don't you guys worry about us.

KK kids me because I like to eat white things; popcorn, vanilla old white men. Vanilla yogurt is my favorite. I make it better by adding bananas, cinnamon and two cups of vodka. KIDDING!! but not really.

KK read in the paper the other day that broccoli is not good for people with thyroid problems which is what she has. That just doesn't seem right to me. Surely that can't be. We eat lots of broccoli and zuccini and yellow squash. We are very healthy and then we go to Jeffry's and top that off with martinis and Foie Gras.

We hope to be the Lipitor for your funny bone. Take our blog pill every day and email us in the morning. Laughter will make you live three weeks longer. That's what we believe
and we are sticking to it like butter to flour.



MP said...

Last night I was at the beauty salon and I saw your blog featured in More magazine. I expected 183947 comments and 18million adds but am pleased that there isn't. Your blog seemed to be reading material right up my alley since I have an 82 and 87 year old parent... Ugghhh. So far my cholesterol is OK..I'm in my early 40's..yet hubby's is getting out of wack. Doc said oatmeal and fishoil..not together, you know what I mean. I can see lipitor in his future.

Snooty Primadona said...

Right on Sistah! I hate the cholesterol fight & since hubby is already on Lipitor, I guess I'll join the ranks of those who like to eat well no matter what. I can't live without butter either. I mean I can't just stop, for heaven's sake! That's what life is all about at our age. Good food & excellent wine & any kind of vodka. At least I'll die happy with a smile on my face, although taking Lipitor might extend that time for a while.

Anonymous said...

My cholesterol is up too, it obviously goes with the territory.
Have you tried KWAI GARLIC tablets? I have read good things about garlic and have started on a strong one tablet a day.Can't hurt, might help.

Stella Stargazer said...

Hey you GALS are fabulous - you might also like to try Hypocol - you can read more at or on my new squidoo where i have added your blog to my celebrity list - keep up the Fabulous BLOG - APLINK in Singapore here is the squidoo address

Mental P Mama said...

Take care of yourself...I need you to stick around for my own preservation! You girls are the best!

Hi! I am Sonia said...

Hey Ladies, I am a 53 year old woman. I absolutely LOVE your blog. The last post about high cholesterol has me concerned. I have watched the ill effects of cholesterol lowering medicines on my father in law. Please watch out for unexplained pain....these drugs diminish your muscles in your body. I have actually come to the conclusion that...."HIGH CHOLESTEROL" is nothing more than a myth and a way for pharmaceutical companies to once again rape the American people. Doctors these days are no more than pill pushers. Please do your own research on Statin drugs. I am a Texas gal and as you see still harbor some anti establishment thoughts.

Lisa B. said...

Please let me know what you hear about 2012...'cause I got me some bad habits I wanna start back up too!

Debbie in NC said...

Yeah...cholesterol's up. Doc says take Lipitor. Next visit, same thing and the next. But it has stayed at a constant number for the past 6 years. I need to exercise, period. No Lipitor.

And what's up with 2012? I keep hearing this lately. Need to Google.

Why should I stop smoking if I only have 4 years left? Ummmmm....