Saturday, March 8, 2008

Balancing Acts

So, do any of you out there actually balance your checkbooks anymore? I still get out my pencil, make the column of numbers for my outstanding checks on the back of the last page of my statement, add them, add any new deposits (this is rare), subtract, yada, yada, yada. See? I'm getting bored just talking about it. I have learned to just trust the bank. It's probably like trusting the casino in which you've just dropped a grand at the blackjack table...but then, the house always wins, right. That's why they can charge you FOUR dollars to use a friggin ATM machine.

I lost my balance and sprained my ankle the other afternoon whilst Sal and I were having our regular lollygag through the neighborhood. I was saying something tacky about a house that we were passing, and WHACK! I did the ESSSS bend, with my bent ankle bending one way and the rest of my body fighting my downward projection while bending the opposite direction to keep me upright. Of course, I looked down at the ground to see what sort of mayhem the street was up to to cause me such pain, and I had tripped over a large pebble or a very small rock...either way you look at it, my balance had been upended by a tiny little thing! And, when I bent back around to straighten my body I pulled something in my back. SHEESH! Twenty years ago, I'd have sprung back to balance like a deer jumping a tumbleweed, but as it happened, Sal had to help me back home, all the while having a great deal of amusement at my expense!

Sal and try to balance our time spent caregiving the Ancient One with our time spent out in the loving arms of our bosom buddies drinking cocktails and laughing our asses off! We feel refreshed (even though we've had to weave through a hangover or three)...bullet proof for whatever shenanigans the Ancient One has up the sleeves of her robe. For ANYone who walks in our caregiving shoes, these exercises in laughter and merriment outside the confines of the home are VITAL FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!

Sal and I are balancing our weight right now too. We quit smoking on October 28, 2007 at 11:59 pm, and have put on a pound or seven, so we have to spend each day by compensating either for what we're about to eat or what we already ate which requires our next meal to consist of 3 soda crackers. I'm tired of grapes and apples. I want a Sonic hickory cheeseburger, large fries and a Cherry Limeade. This has your jaw glands squirting with desire, doesn't it? Well, it's going to have to be grapes and apples for me today because I was a baaaaad girl last night.

Ah, the balance! My ankle is mending nicely. Just thanking you in advance for your concern.


I like to keep my right brain and my left brain balanced as much as I can. As you probably know, the right brain holds your subconscious mind, your emotions, senses (sight, smell, hearing etc.) and your imagination. Your left brain is for analyzing and spelling and counting and running your bodily organs. Just think if only your left brain worked- you'd be up shit creek.
You wouldn't be able to hear or smell or be happy or sad but you'd always know how many steps there were to the toilet. That's a good thing but it seems that all the fun is in the right brain. Unless you were an accountant...or maybe brick layer.

Wow, if only your right brain worked you'd be just as screwed. You could drink wine and taste the bounty of the earth and imagine other worlds but your liver and kidneys would shut down and you wouldn't be able to figure out how to catch the bus. See, you've got to have them both.

I like to balance responsibilities with pleasure. If the deck is watered and the cats are fed, I can have a glass of wine. If the trash is out and The Ancient One is fed, I feel free to dance to Garth Brooks songs... and if KK has her tea, I am free to sneak into the garage and gnaw on pork rhinds. It's all relative and a balancing act.

Keep your balance,


Gwynne said...

I'm an accountant and I can assure you there is absolutely nothing fun going on over in the left side of the brain. But I do appreciate that it keeps the body functioning...mostly.

Mental P Mama said...

Y'all are the funniest people I know...come to cocktail corner. We have that balance stuff down pat.

absolutelytrue said...

You girls friggin' kill me! I'm going to feature one of your videos tonight.

Nancy said...

I use to try to balance the housework between my son and daughter but alas, they have moved out now and I have to do all that crap myself! Enjoyed your post very much!

absolutelytrue said...

I'm actually quite unbalanced.. and ladies.. I have to say, from watching your videos, my readers and I have determined that.. well.. you are too. I'm sure you already knew that though.

As for balancing the checkbook, I don't. I just rely on vibrations from the universe to let me know how I'm doing. That and if there's a lot of stuff in the mailbox, that's a good indication too. Not that I read those pesky bank notices though. I can just tell by the shape of the envelope if it's good or bad news and react accordingly.

Ann said...

When I run out of checks, I'm out of money. Seems to work in my own bubble world. Oh how I wish we could all get together and share drinks and laughs. I so look forward to your stories. Thank you for sharing.