Friday, February 29, 2008

Rescue me!

Please rescue me from rescuing! I can't seem to help myself, but I dang sure know how to change everyone else's lives until they are happy, successful and well-rounded. I am not able to give any testimonials yet because those whom I have attempted to rescue have fallen off the wagon a time or two and tried to regain control of their own lives. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Without coming out and actually telling them that because they didn't do EXACTLY what I told them to do, obviously their lives have not improved, I try to gently steer them back on course (my course, of course).

I had absolutely no idea where my talent in this area came from until I recently read about birth order in families. Well, now I KNOW that from simply being the last one out of the womb, I inherited the manipulative, controlling gene! In some ways, this is just not fair because trying to rescue others has caused ME some pain, for heaven's sake...let's get our sympathies in order here.

On the other hand, when I accidentally stumble onto a really great idea that my 'client' both likes, adheres to and SEES wonderful results, it just sucks me back into the game again. It's like golf that can hit 350 errant, shanky, shitty golf shots, but hit just ONE great shot and you think you're Tiger Woods again!

SalGal is so patient with me when I try to rescue her. She plays along, smiling and patient until after a martini or two tries to convince me that she has her own mind, can handle her own life and, insult upon insult...that maybe I could take a strong look at my OWN LIFE!

Pish Posh. That chapter is not in my playbook. Now, as I grow older I realize that those whom I have tried to rescue are continuing to try to live their own lives, which makes me giggle, but every now and then I see them succeeding in their own right, without my instruction or advice, and although I'm delighted for them, it unnerves me just a little bit.

I'm determined to overcome my birth order resume and give up control over people, things and situations that I really can NOT control, but I have withdrawals and pangs...very much like when I quit smoking. I just need to breathe deeply, make the sign of the cross (only because it seems appropriate, not because I even understand it) and take a quick walk around the block to shake it off.

I hope you're all okay out there because my rescue days are coming to an end. I might be able to slip in one or two mor..........NO! Nevermind, forget your own lives...........see if I care!



Well, I'm sorry but KK's rescue days are not coming to an end. It's ingrained. She can't help it and often does it without even knowing it. I have been rescued many times by KK's magnanimous gestures of help. She has helped me with a weight-loss plan, shown me how to tone down my jewelry choices and stopped me from killing a meter maid, the squirrel on the deck and the teller at Wells Fargo Bank. In that way she inadvertently rescued the above mentioned beings.

Let's face it we all need help every now and then and KK is just the one to give it. She enjoys telling people the truth. It's her gift. If you have a big mole on your face, KK will make sure you know it and give you the number for a great dermatologist. If your hair looks like a black widow's nest her hands will fly up around your face and with comb in hand, she will reshape it for you whether you want her to or not. If you are perfect and need and want no help for anything, she will create a really interesting problem for you and then convince you that you have it so that she can fix it. It's a need; a compulsion. Problems must exist so that she can be the hero and rescue you!!

KK should have an advice column. She can give anybody advice on anything. Especially men. She's had a lot of experience with relationships with men. Go ahead. Post a question. I dare you. But beware because if you rescue people you have to tell them the truth. You can't tell a person stuck in a well that everything will be alright if they don't have a rope. You have to say, 'You don't have a rope!' Too many people will tell you that you are fine and that they will go get a rope for you but then other things become more important and you are forgotten.

KK will have the rope in the trunk of her car, explain to you how to climb it as she lowers it down and then, as she pulls you up, tell you your shoes are not seasonal. Like I said, it's a gift.


Christine said...

I’m afraid I’m going to have to blow the cover off this one. KK isn’t about to give up rescuing people. I sure as hell wouldn’t know what to do if she really did. This broad is goal-focused and results-oriented and will not rest until her vision for your nirvana is achieved. And to tell the truth her vision is consistently spot on.

Nothing is out of bounds where your happiness is concerned. For example…most recently she’s decided to set me up with her ex-husband -- How’s that for commitment to a cause!? Like I said, KK’s not giving up her rescue campaigns any time soon…

Thank Gawd!! Happy Early Birthday KK~

brneyedgal967 said...

LMAO - KK, you and I are kindred spirits. I always know it's time to leave a club with my girlfriends when I'm start trying to do an intervention on someone I don't even know. Hello Laadyyyy!