Sunday, February 10, 2008

Hi! Ha'r'yyyyyyeeeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwww?

If I had a nickel for every time I've either said that or heard some other Texan say it to me, I'd be "richer than dirt in an old cow pen." This quote comes from a WONDERFUL book called, "This Dog'll Really Hunt," by Wallace O. Chariton. When I wrote my novel, "A Texan Goes to Nirvana," I used these Texas words and sayings a'plenty which brings me to the reason for this blog.

The Midlife Gals have a precious female fan who lives in a tiny village in Hungary. Can you believe that? As tech-noidiots, we find this incredibly hard to grasp, but eeenyway...she allowed as how she loves our blog and is using it to learn English!! I tried to warn her that there are those who think that Texans do not SPEAK English and that she might be chastised were she to run into someone else who speaks the King's English there in Hungary. If they heard her speaking Texan, they might commit her for fear that she was speaking in tongues.

She assured me that our blog would be a humorous primer on English, but she needed the definition of "blue drivers." Bless her heart, what she meant to say was, "blue-haired drivers" from our blog on driving. Of course, we call The Ancient Ones also 'blue hairs" here in Texas so that would explain that...at least in Dallas.

I had a sister-in-law once who could spew forth Texisms like breathing in and breathing out. My favorite one from her was when she described a skinny woman as being, "thin as mosquito milk."

Here are a few Texisms and phonetic spellings that I simply couldn't live without:

*mean as a snake in the hallway
*happy as a cow in belly-high clover
*funny as a clown on fire (or far)
*I'm guuuuuud, ha'r yyyyyyyeeeeuuuuuwww? This would be in answer to this blog's title
*older than Gawd
*full as a tick (only to be said at a fancy dinner party when you're offered dessert)
*tickled pink
*don't mess with Texas (an actual official state government proclamation about litter)
*pony up
*I'll be go to hell (Wow! in Texan)

Now I KNOW that I'll hear from you Texans out there because the above list is but a smattering of Texisms and it's early Sunday morning with my brain in idle mode till I've had my coffee!

baa baa,

KK

****************************************************************

Yeah, the Texan language is it's own morphism from the King's English into Davy Crockett/Lyle Lovitt speak. My favorite is when some guy calls me, 'Little darlin''. I like it better than babe, ma'am or whore bitch from hell.

I once heard a cowboy, upon learning that he was going to get a good part in 'Young Guns', say that he was 'nervous enough to catch a hummingbird'.

'Bless her heart' is one of every Texas woman's favorite expressions. We can get away with murder when skewering another woman or man who has raised our eyebrows. 'Well! That was rude and uncalled for. And she needs to take that wad of gum out of her mouth and get some couth lessons. Oooh...ugly as a three-legged armadillo upside down peeing on itself. Bless her heart.'

Hi, ya'll, how's yer mama and them?' That's Texas talk for, 'Dude! Sup!'. Other greetings to strangers and friends include the tip of a cowboy hat and a 'howdy, ma'am', 'did yer cat ever git over that liver disease?' and 'I'll see ya at Guero's if ahh kin still stand up bah theyen'.

So happy trails to you - till we meet agin....
SalGal

17 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

Or how 'bout "busier 'n a one-armed paper hanger." Or when it's raing hard: "sounds like a cow pissin' on a flat rock." Just a few from a misplaced Tennessee girl.

prin said...

Here's a whole dictionary of 'em.

http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/southernese.html

prin said...

oops...


http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/
southernese.html

FancyMoves said...

When I was a kid growing up in small town Texas, my grandmother was always threatening to "snatch me bald-headed". When I was a teenager and did something totally frowned upon, like sneak out the window to meet a boy, she would proclaim that I "had done gone and jumped off the jackass bridge". Dealing with me was "like herding cats". She's an ancient one now at age 82, but she still gives me hell.

brneyedgal967 said...

My granny used to say "Lordy Mercy, girl, you're as broad as a barn!" To any unfortunate pregnant woman who happened to cross her path.

Loved that feisty ancient woman who hunted armadillos with a double barrel shotgun who had the nerve to get into her garden.

Sheila E said...

One of my mama's favorites - :If it hairlips the governor"

hungarianwoman45 said...

Ha,ha,ha...
but don't worry,I've got other sources too. Your blog is just my "dessert".

Truth to tell,I'm really anxious to find myself in a situation when talking to "someone who speaks the King's English" I could use for example " thin as mosquito milk" or I'm "full as a tick"...

I like your collection and I'll definitely try to remember some of them...

Marsha said...

My mother likes to say "if it hairlips Harris County" in the same vein as Sheila's mama. My mother also says "handy as a pocket on a shirt".

ginger said...

MY niece is Texan and when she talks to me on the phone, i have to interrupt and say "CINDY, slow down and speak American!" I can't think that fast, yet talk like that! LOL!

DEBRN82 said...

I just read your blog after reading about it in "More" Magazine. LOVEEEEE IT !!!! I too have "An Ancient One"....thank God I don't have to live with her but reading your blogs is like you live in one of my closets somewhere. Keep up the good work ladies...it's gives the rest of us a smile to an otherwise insane day.

Robert said...

A heavy rain is a frog choker...

Egghead said...

My ancient ones (mom and dad) had a million of these. My mom's are quite crude. Just a little one from my dad that still makes me laugh when I think of it.
"I'm so full I can't shut my tail down" Har!

By the way I am half hungarian. My paternal grandparents immigrated here.

snickers and doodles said...

Hi gals..I always liked the one "busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"

Snooty Primadona said...

One of my favorites... "Why, that poor boy is so confused, he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."

Pam said...

One of my favorites was my grandpa's, "Good night nurse, tell the doctor I ain't no better fast." For the last forty-five years I've been trying to figure that one out...anyone have an idea?

I love your stuff, the videos are priceless, my personal favorite is the scooter barrel racing, perhaps it was all those summers spent at the rodeo in Shawnee, OK?

You two have a real gift, I'm glad I wandered onto your site.

citygirl said...

Just found your blog (thanks, More magazine!). I'm a lifelong Texan, fortunate enough to have spent time in West Texas. Your list of expressions left out the most descriptive one I ever heard (from a Tulia girl)--"Ah feel lack rolled & hammered shit." Pretty well sums up a bad day.

scotte said...

overheard @ Main Street Cafe in Midland Tx.
Waaal Goooooleeeee Thet looks jest lak ole Mak Swenson. Biike inda day, his daddy was the kang of the awl bidness. But in 86 , he fawnd the meeeening of Pigs gat fat, and Hogs gat slawtered.

Really Yesterday
keep it up