Thursday, October 4, 2007

Technology III

I'm so fascinated by technology that I gotta write about it again. I don't even know how radio waves work, so this era of technology is rife with story ideas for 'Nancy the Navigator.' My friend, Bill has the GPS thingy in his fancy car. Since he gives everyone and everything a nickname, he calls the computer lady who guides him around town, Nancy the Navigator. I love it when people try to personalize these mechanical creatures.

I asked Bill to take me to the dentist the other day. I'm a dental phobic with problem teeth, so I have to take Valium whenever I have an appointment. I'm smart enough to know that I can't drive, so he offered to take me back and forth. When he came to collect me, he helped me shuffle slowly down the walk to the car, poured me into the passenger seat and off we went. He had entered the address into the GPS and he told me that Nancy the Navigator would get us there. I wanted to go a different way, however, because I don't like freeways. Well, he said, "Nancy is not going to like it, but we can try. She will have to adjust." Sure enough, when she said, "Turn right in 500 feet" and we turned left instead, she freaked out!

MAKE A U-TURN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. TURN AROUND. YOU ARE TRAVELING EAST AND SHOULD BE GOING WEST. She was actually scolding us! And, because Valium makes me think that everything is pretty damn funny, I couldn't stop laughing. She tried to adjust after realizing that we were bucking her authroity (do these computer voices use deductive reasoning??). After Bill said, "Fuck you, Nancy," she then said, "No need to be testy with me, Bill." We looked at each other with mouths agape as she continued, "I have no patience with your disobedience. I am having to listen to Steve on another screen in his Mercedes huffing and puffing as he bangs away on some tart in the CostCo parking lot. MAKE A FUCKING U-TURN IN 500 FEET, DAMMIT! Nancy took over the map screen and displayed a giant emoticon of a hand shooting us the finger.

Don't mess with technology!

Drive on!

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