Friday, October 12, 2007

Anger Management

I used to use Valium for my anger management, but then I would just fall asleep, so now that I've given up most drug-related vices and crutches, I have to figure out how to rid myself of momentary anger without drowsing off. Any ideas? If you're a control freak and share my frustrations about people not doing things that you want them to do then you understand. If, however, you don't mind people being able to live their own lives, you might want to skip this blog, goddamit!

I woke up mad this morning. I don't know why, and it's unusual for me, but I pity those who might wander into my anger zone today. I've got the jaw-clenching, 'don't fuck with me' attitude, and I am going to go to a movie this afternoon so as not to offend anyone too much. I already feel sorry for the pitiful, stupid teenager who will sell me my popcorn, because if he or she looks askance at me when I ask him/her to scoop the popcorn from the top instead of the bottom where all the unpopped kernels are, I can not be responsible for the withering response I will give him/her...with a little lecture about respecting your elders thrown in.

If The Ancient One tells me one more time to turn UP the volume on the television that already rests at level 35, I fear that the rat poison I sprinkle on top of her salad for lunch might take hold after my anger has phased out because then I might be filled with remorse and compassion even as I reluctantly dial 911.

And, if I see ONE more Geiko commercial on TV, that's IT! Keep the bricks and stones away from my grasp or there goes the new television on the table. That would take care of volume control too!

I've tried the three-part yoga breathing and my meditation tape already this morning and that shit just doesn't work when I get wound up like this. This would be the perfect day for me to run into the asshole who runs the company I used to work for because I've been wanting to tell him off for YEARS and now that I'm no longer with the company, I can 'let'er fly' with total impunity. I've been practicing what I would say to him, and it's good, it's really tight and pithy and FILLED with residual, pent up hostility.

Pray for me today to whichever entity you call God, if there IS one!



Here are things that piss me off:
O.J. Simpson
Children screaming for no reason in restaurants
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Britany Spears
Rude sales people
Bluehair drivers
Barristers from Africa who keep telling me everyday that I just won $5,000,000.00
Fake online psychics
Teens who never say thank you any more and feel entitled to everything
Football star dog killers
Stupid answering machine messages where people play dumb music or do impressions
My turkey neck
The Ancient One's thinly veilled racism
Jury duty
People who cut in line
People who talk during movies
People who answer a cell phone when you're in the middle of a sentance
People on the other end of the telephone line who start talking to someone else in the room without telling you first
Waiting for someone who's late and that wants something from you
People who leave a message that says, 'I need to talk to you about something' and then you can't reach them/TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IN THE fucking MESSAGE GODDAMMIT!
Full parking lots
Orange houses


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