Thursday, January 24, 2008


SalGal and I were having a nice lunch on the balcony at Fino one fine summer day and across the parking lot came hopping a young man on those high tech stilts that are curved and bouncy. He had long, floppy rabbit ears attached to his head and a big smile of his face. Now, we know Austin is weird and we do see lots of strange people, but this one made us laugh out loud and we decided it was a sign. That's how suggestible and easy we are. We see signs in things that other people might suspect as just insanity.

We are in SEARCH of insanity under otherwise acceptable circumstances. That's our M.O., our raison d'etre and the cream in our tea.

Whenever I see a male red cardinal, I gasp! I know that something wonderful is about to happen to me, no shit...and it does. They're just my lucky birds. The rules of the 'sign' game state that you can't go LOOKING for signs...they have to come to you, and you have to have your eyes and heart wide open enough to be able to see them. They aren't going to knock you on the head...or maybe they will, but I'd be afraid that those kinds of signs are really God saying, "WAKE UP STUPID!"

I"m not sure if omens are the same things as signs, but you have to be aware of those things too. Like when a black cat runs across the road in front of you and you cross its path with your have to stop as soon as possible, get out of the car, turn around three times and spit. The devil spell will then be broken and you may proceed.

Some signs are nothing more than the devil in when you've driven somewhere with directions and on your way back, you think you're making all the correct turns (in reverse, of course, because you're on your way back...this will be confusing to you dyslexics), but you've turned the wrong way more than once and just get lost as shit. That's when you have to pay attention to the actual metal signs on poles.

A few weeks ago I wound up driving behind a man in a small toyota with a casket roped to the top of his car. My friend, Bill, and I decided that this was a sign of some sort, but we couldn't figure it out as we speculated that we'd better pump up our finances in a hurry in case we wound up like that and we couldn't afford a friggin hearse, for Gawd's sake.



I think the crop circles are signs from aliens that they are coming. They assume we understand and are clearing landing strips in anticipation of their arrivals when in actuality, rednecks in England and Ohio are taking credit for these amazing signs.

I think it was Ladybird Johnson who got rid of all the billboards along the sides of the highways in Texas. She thought they were ugly and she wanted to beautify our great state with wildflowers instead of daglo, gigantic posters every 50 feet that gleefully prepare you for impending pancake houses, Mariotts and turquoise sold by Mexicans calling themselves Indians who got the goods from Taiwan.

It's a sign of the times that there are just too many signs everywhere. There are signs behind the counter at the cleaners, in the windows of local grocery stores and plastered on poles in front of every honky tonk on sixth street. There are signs behind bars, over our heads at the street lights and stuck in front of houses. There are so many signs that we don't see them anymore. That's not good because now if there's a sign that says, 'Don't open this door or you will die!', you won't see it.

The parking signs around Austin are so unfair, especially downtown. They usually say, 'You can park here from 5AM to 1PM and 2M to 5PM on Mondays thru Fridays except holidays for 30 minutes and at all other times for two hours except for street cleaning on Saturday mornings form 6am to 8am unless that is a holiday and then it will apply the monday after that.' It's so unfair.

I want to put up signs everywhere that tell everybody to quit putting up signs everywhere but there are so many signs everywhere I know nobody would see them and then people would just cover them up with more signs anyway.


dorothymae said...

I love you gals! My had close workplace friendship with a woman who PHD in her field. This woman was beautiful, dressed to the nines, every hair in it's perfect place, nail manicured. You know, the whole nine yards. The vision of of a woman we'd all like to be (secretly hating their perfection) and look like. Well, carol had the opportunity to visit this woman's home on one occasion and was delightfully surprised to see that the woman's house was the epitomy of a pigsty. Clutter, dirty dishes, garbage, clothes on the floors, etc., etc. Seeing the surprize on Carol's face, she pointed to the sign over her front door, there for everyone to see. It read...........Fuck Housework.
Now there's a sign for a confident woman. :)

dorothymae said...

PS: was so anxious to share this sign, I left out names, words and letters. I'm not nearly as damn dumb as I look.

Vonda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vonda said...

Well I've been known to run face first into signs. Never pay attention to them much to my detriment. I think that "F... Housework" sign is in my mothers house.

Elaine said...

The sign in my house is not posted and reads "Fuck Interior Design." As to the other signs, I agree with the "don't go looking for them" rule. My good day sign is a butterfly in my path. Not many of those around this time of year. Which is why I need someone to send me to Mexico right now.

Sue Tarter said...

Love your blog, found it in More magazine. I'm dealing with my own "ancient one" who refuses to admit she is ancient. On the subject of signs, she feels it necessary to read every sign while we are driving. Does any other parent do this? Drives my bokers but what can you do! Sue Tarter

Sue Tarter said...

Love your blog! Dealing with my own "Ancien One" who will not admit she is ancient. Speaking of signs, she feels in necessary to read every sign as we drive along. Do other parents do this? Drives my bonkers! but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Sue Tarter, Sheirdan, WY