I figured that I needed a business card, but I wasn't sure what to put on it since I really don't have a 'business' per se, and then it came to me!
I used a very ornate ancient script and under my name is simply, "Lunch Enthusiast." Well, that got me thinking about other ideas for business cards. Like if they tell the truth about the holder or maybe even what the future holds for the recipient of their card.
I wish my last sweetheart had just put on his card, "Emotionally Unavailable," or "Not Destined for Greatness...even Mediocrity." I might have thought twice if he had handed me a card that said, "Walk Away Before It's Too Late."
Women who want children could have cards that read, "Have Sperm? Will Incubate." Men who don't want to or can't have children would have cards with, "Shootin Blanks, I Swear!"
If you were applying for a job, you should really give pause if your potential boss hands you a card that says, "Unable to Appreciate Subordinates." Or you might hand the person back your own card, "I buck Authority...Beware."
If I didn't have "Lunch Enthusiast" on my card, it would read, "Movie Slut." I also wish my second husband had given me a card that said, "Short With Napoleonic Complex."
Oh, and I could have used a card given to me that said, "Stop...If You Don't Rescue Me, Someone Else Will."
And, I would keep forever a card from my best friend that reads, "I've Got Your Back."
What would your card say?
I must say, KK, you have outdone yourself on this business card thing. I bet everybody's minds are just racing with this one.
I need a different business card for each thing that I'm doing. For my documentary I need one that says, 'Give me $65,000 dollars and I will get you an Academy Award.'
I need one for acting that says, 'Cast me in this role or I can't promise that your tires won't be slashed tomorrow.'
I should have one that says, 'This is not really my phone number but you won't stop bugging me.'
I like the card that KK and I have for the 'Midlife Gals'. It has our blog, email addresses and phone numbers and I designed it. It's very straight forward and just gives our motto at the end that is, 'Onward through the fog!'
And life is like driving in the fog isn't it? You know there's an asshole or two behind you thinking you could go faster, the guy in front of you doesn't know his left-hand blinker has been on for the last 12 fucking miles and your high beams don't do shit.
Everybody always tries to make their cards look professional. I look at them and they are boring. Two weeks later I find it in my purse and can't even remember them or how or where I got the card. But I can't throw it away. I don't know why that is. All these mysterious, boring cards are in the tray by the door for in case... In case of what?!! I don't know!
So if you've ever given me a card you might want to email me and remind me who you are. Then I can put your card in the 'I know this person' pile. It will stay there for about 6 months until I forget who you are again and then you might want to follow up and send me another card. I'm just telling the truth.