Sunday, September 9, 2007


How midlife shoes differ:

I have approximately 85 pairs of shoes and not a one of them has a heel higher than 1/2 inch. At 5'11", there's no need. I wore heels in my younger years, and I still don't understand them. I always felt like I was tipping forward and might land on my face with each step. They made my calfs hurt, they forced an un-natural movement and talk about aching feet. Humans were not meant to walk on their tippy toes. For Gawd's sake, we had thumbs on our feet for thousands of years, so what evolutionary devil decided to eliminate the thumbs and stuff our feet into mechanisms of torture?

Being southern, I fell into pace with the notion that "beauty knows no pain." Now, I don't give a shit. My feet want OUT at this age, they want soft coverings. They scream for the comfort of chenille bedroom slippers. I've learned how to attract the male species with my head not my feet. And, I'm befuddled when I see twenty-somethings at WORK in a pair of stilettos...eight hours of tippy-toeing around the office. Of course, I've also seen the twenty-something males agog at a pair of fuck-me pumps. Evidently, it's the males who dictate female beauty, and they want'em in heels...preferably with nothing else on.

My next sweetheart is going to have to love my black suede sneakers, lust after my retro penny loafers and plead for me to wear nothing but my brown, flat roper cowboy boots in the bedroom. Luckily, I've also learned how to divert their foot fetishes toward the parts of my body that will produce results for them...and for me!

These (stiletto) boots were NOT made for walking...

I have four pairs of shoes and you gave me all of them. I have those black, rubber cloggy things for gardening and watering the yard. I have the white, Allstars for pants and a white cotton shirt that you showed me was a nice look. I have brown, sandal shoes for hot days and my gold, ballet slippers and that's pretty much it.
It's terrible having bad feet. Mine are permanantly in the shape of the high heels I wore in the sixties. Since my second toe is longer than my big toe, my feet always look like they're pointing and I wear a size 9 instead of 81/2 just because of that longer toe. I have bones that stick out on the sides of my big toes that make my feet look like they are facing out when they really aren't and the whole affect is pretty fucking knarly looking. Shoes are good. They hide a myriad of foot defects and keep you from getting stickers.
I wish I could wear those Manolo Blahnik shoes with the jewels on them or the ones the stars wear to the Oscars. I covet them. I go to shoe stores and act like I'm shopping for gorgeous Prada, open-toed shoes but of course I can't wear them cause my long toe sticks out and looks like some kind of deformed little fat finger trying to get out. It's disgusting.
ALL Texas women have red toenails because it's too hot not to wear sandals or flipflops. I think it's genetic and I bet Texan nuns have red toenails too. They probably have pretty shoes hidden under the bed in their nun's cells because it's a girl thing and they are still females. Sort of. They are all married to Jesus and I don't think he would begrudge his wives a little group dance in the rectory to the Gregorian Chants while wearing a pair of silver, diamond-studded, six-inch heels. They would go really well with basic black anyway.

1 comment:

Renée Gasch said...

Hi Midlife Gals,
I love your blog! You're talented writers. I especially liked this one about shoes across your years. I'm working on a project that is addressing these exact issues: The Age of Beauty, part of the Imagining Ourselves Exhibit for the International Museum of Women. The project asks women about their views of beauty and how it has changed with age. Here is a link to the exhibit:

We would love if you would visit our online exhibit and join the conversation. We would also appreciate it if you would invite your blog readers to do the same by including a link in a blog post.

Keep up the great blogging!
Renee Gasch

Imagining Ourselves
International Museum of Women