When someone who shall remain nameless (for now) accused me of having too many pairs of shoes, I found myself justifying the various functions for all of my shoes...or most of my shoes anyway. I was so proud to have many different rationalizations, I mean, reasons for so many shoes:
House slippers - I have open-toed slippers for summer, close-toed slippers for winter and a pair of slippers that have rubber soles for outside to pick up the paper and ones that are fluffy all over and only meant to be worn inside the house. Unfortunately, I wear house slippers more often than I would like.
Flip flops - I have only one pair of flip flops, but everyone should have at least ONE pair.
Sandals - There are the black pair for black pants, the brown ones for jeans and Fall wear (where it's still in the 90's in Texas), the Mexican huaraches to be worn with cropped pants, the sliver sandals for evenings out and the bronze sandals that match my bronze cuff and earrings. Who would wear silver sandals with bronze earrings...hellllllooo?
Mules - (I wonder why they call them that?) The black ones with two-inch heels for when I don't care about being 6'1," the flat, hand-painted ones with the Japanese theme, the cream- colored flats for casual wear and the multi-colored ones to wear with just about everything.
Espadrilles - when I don't care about people seeing my bunion bulging sideways from my right big toe...I wear the flat kind with cotton canvas...blue, black, white/beige-striped, 2 multi-colored and the beige pair just for fun.
Ballet slippers - when I feel like my feet look Sasquatchian...the black, cream, brown suede and the silver ones make me feel like doing pirouettes around the room. I do not wear all of them at once.
Moccasins - I'm from the Southwest and I do not apologize for having these comfy feet coverings. I have black suede Indian mocs that fold over at the ankle and tie with a leather strap...like real American Indians who sell cheap, fake turquoise jewelry on the plaza in Santa Fe...these mocs can only be worn with jeans...and another pair with the little beads forming a Thunderbird pattern on the top. I've got green driving mocs and white ones with white gwoe-gwain wibbon as an accent.
Loafers/flats - I haven't worn a single pair of these since I quit my office day job. I should give them away as an affirmation that I'll NEVER GO BACK. I see panty hose every time I look at those shoes!
Boots - I have the tall, black cowboy boots with the high, riding heel, Wellies in case someone asks me to meet them in jolly old England, brown Roper riding boots (even though I'm a cowgirl without portfolio at present) and brown hiking boots that don't see the light outside the closet much.
Sneakers - Well, who does NOT have a pair of Converse All Stars...mine are white with a low ankle to be worn when attempting to be casual chic. I also have a pair of 'walking' shoes that look like the kind an astronaut would change into on the space station after a brisk space walk.
Whew! When I started this list, I felt really confident that in fact, I DON'T have too many shoes. I now see some clearing out of my foot chi and a trip to GoodWill. Sheesh. I could at least give away two pair...hmmmmm...I think.
PS-I haven't a single pair of fuck-me pumps. I'm 56 years old and 5'11." Need I say more?
My feet are now shaped just like the heels I wore in high school. In the sixties they were pointed at the toe as opposed to rounded like in the forties. My toes look like they were stuffed into a baker's cone-paper-squeeze-out-the-decoration thingy and then left to gell. My second toe is a half inch-longer than my big toe so I have never in my life worn shoes with the toes out. And lets be honest, fuck-me pumps have to have that along with sling-backs or they're not authentic fuck-me pumps. Every time I've tried on those fabled Marilyn Monroe/Shelley Winters heels, the hole at the toe looked like some weird little armadillo penis was sticking out the end. Just gross no I can't do it ever..ever..ever!!
And yet...every woman in Texas has red toenails and wears thongs, sandals, open-toed shoes and flip flops with every imaginable adornment on them. As if that takes away from the fact that feet and toes are ugly and there's no getting around it. Is it just me? Well, it seems it is because KK told me the other day that Texas women don't care if their feet are ugly so why should I?
I had never thought of it that way before. I began to look at everybody's feet. I began staring at any feet that were in sandals or thongs; at the grocery store, the pool and even at the Our Lady of Monolo midnight mass at the east side 'Thank you Jesus for kid leather Catholic Church.' It's true!! Nobody cares!! What a revelation. It's just me!!!!
I wore a pair of KK's thong sandals the other day. I felt free. I felt like I had made a major change in my life. No one looked at my feet. Nobody even flinched. I had my 58th birthday on June 2nd and I'm a new woman! Yeehaw!!!!