Sunday, June 8, 2008

If The Shoe Fits...

When someone who shall remain nameless (for now) accused me of having too many pairs of shoes, I found myself justifying the various functions for all of my shoes...or most of my shoes anyway. I was so proud to have many different rationalizations, I mean, reasons for so many shoes:

House slippers - I have open-toed slippers for summer, close-toed slippers for winter and a pair of slippers that have rubber soles for outside to pick up the paper and ones that are fluffy all over and only meant to be worn inside the house. Unfortunately, I wear house slippers more often than I would like.

Flip flops - I have only one pair of flip flops, but everyone should have at least ONE pair.

Sandals - There are the black pair for black pants, the brown ones for jeans and Fall wear (where it's still in the 90's in Texas), the Mexican huaraches to be worn with cropped pants, the sliver sandals for evenings out and the bronze sandals that match my bronze cuff and earrings. Who would wear silver sandals with bronze earrings...hellllllooo?

Mules - (I wonder why they call them that?) The black ones with two-inch heels for when I don't care about being 6'1," the flat, hand-painted ones with the Japanese theme, the cream- colored flats for casual wear and the multi-colored ones to wear with just about everything.

Espadrilles - when I don't care about people seeing my bunion bulging sideways from my right big toe...I wear the flat kind with cotton, black, white/beige-striped, 2 multi-colored and the beige pair just for fun.

Ballet slippers - when I feel like my feet look Sasquatchian...the black, cream, brown suede and the silver ones make me feel like doing pirouettes around the room. I do not wear all of them at once.

Moccasins - I'm from the Southwest and I do not apologize for having these comfy feet coverings. I have black suede Indian mocs that fold over at the ankle and tie with a leather real American Indians who sell cheap, fake turquoise jewelry on the plaza in Santa Fe...these mocs can only be worn with jeans...and another pair with the little beads forming a Thunderbird pattern on the top. I've got green driving mocs and white ones with white gwoe-gwain wibbon as an accent.

Loafers/flats - I haven't worn a single pair of these since I quit my office day job. I should give them away as an affirmation that I'll NEVER GO BACK. I see panty hose every time I look at those shoes!

Boots - I have the tall, black cowboy boots with the high, riding heel, Wellies in case someone asks me to meet them in jolly old England, brown Roper riding boots (even though I'm a cowgirl without portfolio at present) and brown hiking boots that don't see the light outside the closet much.

Sneakers - Well, who does NOT have a pair of Converse All Stars...mine are white with a low ankle to be worn when attempting to be casual chic. I also have a pair of 'walking' shoes that look like the kind an astronaut would change into on the space station after a brisk space walk.

Whew! When I started this list, I felt really confident that in fact, I DON'T have too many shoes. I now see some clearing out of my foot chi and a trip to GoodWill. Sheesh. I could at least give away two pair...hmmmmm...I think.

Walk on,


PS-I haven't a single pair of fuck-me pumps. I'm 56 years old and 5'11." Need I say more?


My feet are now shaped just like the heels I wore in high school. In the sixties they were pointed at the toe as opposed to rounded like in the forties. My toes look like they were stuffed into a baker's cone-paper-squeeze-out-the-decoration thingy and then left to gell. My second toe is a half inch-longer than my big toe so I have never in my life worn shoes with the toes out. And lets be honest, fuck-me pumps have to have that along with sling-backs or they're not authentic fuck-me pumps. Every time I've tried on those fabled Marilyn Monroe/Shelley Winters heels, the hole at the toe looked like some weird little armadillo penis was sticking out the end. Just gross no I can't do it ever..ever..ever!!

And yet...every woman in Texas has red toenails and wears thongs, sandals, open-toed shoes and flip flops with every imaginable adornment on them. As if that takes away from the fact that feet and toes are ugly and there's no getting around it. Is it just me? Well, it seems it is because KK told me the other day that Texas women don't care if their feet are ugly so why should I?

I had never thought of it that way before. I began to look at everybody's feet. I began staring at any feet that were in sandals or thongs; at the grocery store, the pool and even at the Our Lady of Monolo midnight mass at the east side 'Thank you Jesus for kid leather Catholic Church.' It's true!! Nobody cares!! What a revelation. It's just me!!!!

I wore a pair of KK's thong sandals the other day. I felt free. I felt like I had made a major change in my life. No one looked at my feet. Nobody even flinched. I had my 58th birthday on June 2nd and I'm a new woman! Yeehaw!!!!



prin said...

OOO, I still have the last pair of Evan Piccone black leather "fuck me" pumps I bought, but, sadly, the last time I looked at them in their shrine(clear plastic box/w cover)they had started to mildew...still I could not bear to throw them away. Dang, they were $110 bucks 15 or so years ago :) Now that you've made me remember them, I guess I'll have to go at least clean them up and give them to goodwill. They are still fashionable, I'm sure someone could get a nibble from them.

April said...

clearly you need to get another pair....may I suggest F.M pumps. bright red only live once!

Clueless said...

I'm with you on the shoe thing and probably take up more room because I keep them in their boxes. We won't talk about how my husband has had to be inventive as to where his shoes go. Couldn't be because of moi? Anyway this year, I broke down and seriously put 25 pair of shoes in a donation pile (which incidently is still there) and purchased a few new shoes. I don't know sometimes I just want something different for that special outfit, occassion or just because!! Donating is excellent, just make sure it is something that you would want to see your family member wear. (and not to be funny, either)

Boomer Chick said...

I just had to stop and say...I have never laughed so much in all my life over those videos to the right. Can I hire you? haha...just kidding. But you'd make great stand up comedy.

Bear Naked said...

Last year I did a serious weeding of my shoe closet and got rid of ii pairs of shoes leaving me with only 22 pairs.
I was so proud of myself that I went out and bought 2 new pairs to reward myself.

Janie said...

I. Love. Shoes.

Nuff said.

Bear Naked said...

Oh a shoe posting.
I love shoes.
Have you gals read the blog Shoeaholics Anonymous.

Some pretty nifty shoes there.

Alice said...

Now I was never much of a shoe gal, but the shoes I did have and loved became a completely moot point after getting pregnant. My feet ballooned to a monster 11, never to return again. I had to get rid of EVERY. LAST. PAIR. *weep*

Dreaming In Colors said...

Girls - you are never too OLD for fuck me pumps - just smarter as you age. I have 33 pairs of shoes and several are over 3"heels - They were on sale and I just had to have them....however, they are still in their boxes, nicely wrapped in the original tissue in case a special occasion arises where I can sit the whole time and the limo can drop me off at the table where I plan to spend the evening.

I am concerned about only one pair of flip flops however, since one must color coordinate those with what one wears as well. I have 10 so far this summer. They get chucked in October and new ones are purchase every Spring.