Friday, April 4, 2008

The Dating Game...

Before I get started about dating at middle age...or ANY age, if you haven't read SalGal's post under Donde Esta La Biblioteca, please pause and scroll down until you find it. I haven't laughed that hard since 6th grade!! It's one of her best!

Now then...I just want to talk about how incredibly tired I am of watching the thousands of preening, postulating birds who are using this spring season to indulge in totally public fornication at random and everywhere! They're just shameless about it. But, it is kinda fascinating to watch the male birds puffing themselves all up as they try to get the attention of the females who appear as though they could care less (hmmmmm). Then, all of a sudden, it's rape!

You can just tell that the women birds have not been satisfied. So, they slut around AGAIN and it just turns into a gang rape at times. It's so unbecoming yet they just can't be stopped, and it's at these times that you could walk right up to a male bird and lecture it without one bit of success because those males are FOCUSED...and they are not using protection either. I think there should be teeny wienie bird condoms, don't you?

If I sound bitter it may be because I was just 'REJECTED' by an unknown man named Bob (I changed his name from Philip ( to protect his privacy) who lives in another Texas town! And, I've never even MET him! I signed on with chemistry.com which is the group for E-Harmony rejects, and I am definitely an E-Harmony reject...thinking love awaited me online. After exchanging 'profiles' and moving to the 'short answers' level in which I was able to write a bit more about myself...like the URL of this blog, I was put in the 'waiting' box until Philip (I mean Bob) read my 'short answers' and responded in kind.

Suddenly, and without explanation, he vanished from my 'active matches' section. Hehehehe. So, oh boy is this blog ever a test for the strong to survive! I did tell Phil (Bob) that if he was still interested in me after perusing our blog then he had 'gumption' and I would be willin to meet him. Hehehehe...WHAT A COWARD!

So, it's onward through the fog I go...blumblefucking my way through the dating game and daring any comers to adore my blog/adore my sis/adore me!

Love,
KK

PS-I DO still have my inflatable husband, Steve McQueen, anyway!

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Well, I think KK has pretty much covered the birds. But what about the bees? Do bees have penises? You know there's only one queen bee in each hive and she lays all of the eggs. Does that mean all the males screw her? Poor thing!! Talk about gang rape. And I bet she is pretty sticky what with all that honey on the mens' legs.

The bees basically perform sex for the flowers through cross-pollination. I remember from elementary school that they get pollen from one flower on their legs and then when they land on another flower the pollen gets on that one and bingo! the other one is pregnant. I think it has to be a female plant though. So the bees are basically storks for the plants and maybe some of them are dominatrix. After that I don't understand what happens. Does the pollen get on the stamen thingy that sticks out like a plant penis? But then how does the pollen turn into a baby/fetus plant? Do the cells multiply and if you did an ultra sound of the plant could you see little buds curling up? And would you be able to tell if the baby seed was a girl or boy? Pink or blue that is the question.

I don't date. It's too distracting. Dating is like owning a horse. You start off having fun but then the ride gets bumpy, you find out the horse is too expensive to feed and then he urinates on the geraniums.

I would rather write or do our videos or go out with my sweet KK. I would rather eat Brussel sprouts than date and I really hate Brussel sprouts. But that's just me.
You go right on...
SalGal

6 comments:

Mental P Mama said...

What a loser! You deserve much better than some asshole who can't begin to appreciate your wit, and I AM SERIOUS. Stick with Steve McQueen. Does he come with a charger??:)

Margaret Andrews said...

OMG, you two kill me! As soon as I get home, I'm plugging in the ear phones so I can watch your videos next! I will be adding you very soon to my MUST READ link list. Thanks for the laughs!
Margaret at Nanny Goats In Panties

Midlife Muse said...

Am cracking up!! I had a chemistry.com moment too. Dating in midlife is a bizarre experience. Thank goodness you can "debrief" here. Love your blog!

Toddie Downs said...

As Gawd as my witness (cue the Tara theme), I will NEVER date agayn (trying to phonetically write a Southern accent is hard!)! One of the reasons I've been married so durn long is the fact that I would buy lots of erotica in lieu of having to go on an actual date, with actual small talk. Of course, the erotica helps the married part as well. . .

Debbie in NC said...

An EHarmony reject! You both are friggin hillarious. I laughed thru the whole post!

I've never heard of chemistry.com and I am stuck between wanting to try and knowing horses pee on flowers so why bother?

Do I really want to start that shit all over?

prin said...

OMG I could have told you from experience nevah, nevah, nevah tell them about your blog :) don't you know 99% of men out there want a stupid compliant woman without opinions :) ooo-ooo-ooo if you want a really good deep belly laugh join adultfriendfinder where they allow nekkid pictures. I have never laughed so much! It is just amazing to me what the male species will put out there and be proud of! after about a hundred dollars and 4 different sites I have just decided that if the Lord decides I need a man in my life then He will send me one. Until that time my ruby red perfect sized waterproof vibrator suits me just fine if I feel the need :)