Monday, April 7, 2008

The Weakness of Mortals

SalGal and I went to a fancy shmancy, artsy fartsy party the other night...ate the canapes, people watched, had a bellini and left. We got in the car, and the first thing I said was, "DANG, I wish I had a cigarette." To which she replied, "Where's the nearest store?" We gasped at our brazen confessions (since we quit smoking 5 months ago)...but like laughing zombies (or teenagers looking for trouble)...we drove to the store, bought a pack of Winstons and SMOKED!

That cigarette tasted better than the first one I had when I was 14! Lest you can't wait to write to us to warn of the hazards we face therein...please know that we know this. I quit smoking once for seven years! It's the nicotine monster and he resides within. Besides...we never had a chance. I have an old black-n-white photo of The Ancient One (when she was young and The Stunning One) in 1952...8 months pregnant with a cocktail party...cigarette in one hand and a scotch in the other.

Whether it's food, sex (well I might not try to fix that problem), gambling, whatEV...addictions are everywhere, aren't they? Mine could be worse, I suppose, but along with everything else, Sally and I share this one and always have. We've lost 3 pounds in the last 3 days and find ourselves doing the good old brainstorming in front of an ashtray with a glass of wine of an evening or coffee in the morning out on our deck...fully enjoying these moments...for now.

As a matter of fact, I'm sitting here in my jammies after having just awakened, and since I'm writing about smoking, the little monster on my shouder keeps tapping...he's waiting. Now he's saying, "For the DEVIL's SAKE, get the LEAD out...get your coffee and FEED ME!

Gotta go...Ta Ta,


I know, I know what all you guys are thinking so just shut the fuck up about it, okay? We know all the bad stuff and we will quit again now that we know the secret that it's not that hard. You see, we never had a chance. Back in the forties and fifties the pregnant women really didn't think that drinking and smoking or drug taking had any effect on the fetus. They thought of it as a separate entity. On its own.

My mother told me that for months right after I was born I cried every day at 5PM. Well, helllloooo....IT WAS THE COCKTAIL HOUR!!! And I wanted my martini and my Lucky Strike. I'd been getting them every day for 9 months and then all of a sudden I'm not warm and cuddly anymore and there's all this air around me. Where's the bar? Give me a cigarette!!!! What's this 'Rockabye Baby shit'!! I like Frank Sinatra!

We were screwed from the very beginning. And all you smokers out there? We know you want to quit and you will. We are rooting for you!



QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

Blast those demon vices we have.. mine is food...and all the berating, comments, advice, health statements, body visuals and shame has no victory over that lil demon saying" go on you know you want it, you can always start over again" I have issues...

Mental P Mama said...

There's always tomorrow girls...and I know how much fun it is, and how hard it is to quit. But, regardless, you are both SO. FREAKING. FUNNY.

Lisa B. said...

Quiters! Or Cheaters! I'm not sure what to call you two...but that was painful to read. I spent 4 years on nicorette trying to kill my addiction and I'll not have any peer pressure trying to suck me back in. You bad girls!!

Debbie in NC said...

Something's going to kill me and since I have a little choice in the matter...If I don't smoke I get fat and end up with heart attack and diabetes and all kinds of other shit.

I'm not quitting smoking, period!

Lighting up here and enjoying the hell out of it!

Mage And George said...

Smoking? Oh My Gawd, you talk of smoking and I confess to being an addict longing for another smoke. Yes, it was hard for me to quit, and my vascular surgeon said he'd cut my leg off if I started again.

But I's join you in a minute.

+Pelican suggested you two would be a good read for me....and glad to meet you.

Mage And George said...

Hi you two..........

You stopped by my husband's blog. I obviously logged in as him. Mea Culpa.....I have no beard.

I found you from +Pelican on Open Diary. Since you are dealing with the Ancient One and we are dealing with Duck, she thought I might like to read your words of wisdome.

Mage And George said...

......and Gee, I forgot to tell you that I'm Mage. Must be tired.