Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas at 2:45 am,

When inside the house there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Down the hall I flew like a flash

As I threw off the blanket and tied my robe sash.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear

But Salgal sitting in the dark in a chair.

I whistled and shouted and called her by name,

Hey SalGal! Hey sister! Why the hell are you in the chair?!

"I'm waiting for Santa to come to the porch."

And then in a twinkling, I knew she was drunk,

But I humored her once with a "Well who'd a thunk."

She looked like a peddler just opening her pack

Of questions for me that weren't in a sack.

Her eyes how they twinkled, her wrinkles how merry.

I thought it so odd that in a chair she should tarry

Then her droll little mouth drew up like a bow

As she looked at me unflinching and said, "Well, so?"

I said, "Are you asleep at this moment we speak,"

And she winked with her eye and nodded her beak.

I then spoke not a word and went straight to my work

And got her to her bed before she could even jerk.

Giving a nod, down the hallway I went

As SalGal lay sleeping so obviously spent.

Even so, I heard her exclaim as I walked out of sight




Okay, well here's what I think happened. I was having a really nice Christmas Eve watching TV and stuffing stockings and I decided that I was home safe and what could a little bourbon hurt? I had already had three glasses of wine in celebration of the holiday so my mental facilities were already at an ebb.

I think I got up in a hurry in the middle of the night and accidentally went in the wrong direction and ran into the chair and it knocked over the little table next to it and made a big crash. I thought for a second that I would just sit for a while and then fix everything and that's pretty much all I remember. I believe that at that moment I went back to sleep in the chair and the rest: KK finding me, uprighting the table and getting me back to sleep was done while I was sound asleep. She was totally freaked out and I was in a fog, actually sleepwalking which I think I have done before.

It must have been quite a sight for KK as I can't sleep in anything but my skivvies. So there was my middle-aged body sitting in the dark in the middle of the night and sounding like a drugged out Diane Keaton and looking like a nekked Lyle Lovitt. Poor KK.

The wierdest thing is that I felt absolutely normal in the morning. That's what makes me know that I was sleepwalking. And KK thinks so too. I have a big bruise where my shoulder hit the studded back of the wing back chair that looks like a demented bat. It just goes to show you that you are not safe even at home if you
decide to partake of the evil spirits.

So I am fine and we had a really great Christmas. The Ancient One gave me a paper cutter that she saw on the shopping network.


1 comment:

Vonda said...

Oh a fellow sleep walker. I once got up, went out and climbed the railing on my front porch and ripped the wind chimes down...all this while 7 months pregnant. I didn't remember a thing and wondered why the wind chimes were broken and thrown on the couch. Must have been buggin.