Thursday, November 1, 2007

Halloween Aftermath

Let's face it...The American Halloween holiday is based on blackmail by children. We give them candy so they won't burn our houses down...trick or treat. Having all been teenagers at one point in our lives, we sat around in groups discussing what terrible but lawful 'tricks' we could do if someone didn't give us 'treats.' And, we should have been ashamed of ourselves for going trick-or-treating in our teens!

SalGal and I hadn't been invited out on Halloween, so we were at home, armed and ready to dole out the candy to the little people in disguises. Now-a-days, the parents have to accompany the tots for fear that a registered sex offender will lure one into their dens. This is a sad commentary, isn't it? So, mom and dad come with, but they lurk in the dark street, looking somewhat unlawful themselves while the kids show their courage and approach the house.

We don't give them candy unless they actually say, "Trick or Treat." We like the really young ones who say, "Twick o Tweet." One of them said to us last night, "Trick or Treat...give me something good to eat!" We thought that was kind of pushy, but we applauded his courage. SalGal tried to teach a one-and-a-half year old to say Trick or Treat. The baby just kept looking at her like, "Hey, I don't even know how to speak yet. I can't even say Daddy or anything else in English." SalGal finally acquiesced and gave the frightened toddler some candy.

After the neighborhood children drained our block of confectionery delights, the cars began to arrive with kids from far away neighborhoods. They're older and less engaging...some almost threatening. The parents stay in their cars while the kids rake in the goodies, then they drive home. It's almost like a drive-by only for candy. We're good with that. We can just see all the little trick-or-treaters keeping their parents up half the night with sugar rushes as we finally drift off to a peaceful sleep. This is another reason to have cats instead of kids.



Yeah, that little one and a half year old was really cute in the monkey costume. His big sister in the pink, princess costume said she liked my mask and that's when I shut the door and turned out the lights. Next time I will wear a mask and scare the shit out of her.

Mother was never great with Halloween and costumes as she was too busy going to cocktail parties and assuming we would come up with something. So, I always went Trick or Treating as Tom Sawyer. I just put on some cutoff jeans, a summer camp shirt and went barefooted. I put some freckles on my nose and cheeks for further character development. I sometimes had to grovel for candy as I was 5'8" tall in sixth grade and got treated like I was a scammer by the candy givers in the neighborhood. If they were mean to me I pulled all the leaves off the bushes next to their porches when they closed their doors. How dare they treat me like a scammer.

I don't destroy little kids on purpose, you know. It's a gift. When that little girl dressed up like a peacock, with its tailfeathers all spread out around her, stopped on the sidewalk, it was the cutest thing I ever saw. I have a great laugh and I let it fly. How was I supposed to know that that little kid heard me laughing at her and felt humiliated? That little kid is too young to feel humiliated. Oh, jeez I have traumatized another toddler for the rest of its life.

I had a pumpkin on the porch, a black crow sticking out of the ivy and a skull lit with a candle in it in the urn next to the door and my intentions to scare innocent little children were completely honorable and innocent.

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