Thursday, November 8, 2007


I subscribe to Woody Allen and Groucho’s theory about clubs: “I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

I've been a member of a book club, but dropped out recently because it required reading twelve books a year which is about six too many for me. That being said, I do miss all the wine we drank and the food we ate, but it was a club with rules and time lines. This makes me buck like a young bronch. I miss those women, but I just couldn’t keep up.

I’ve joined more than one health club, but they’re always trying to sell you something, and you have to pay to go do something that you can otherwise do naked on your living room floor…and I’m not talking about something you can do with the HUNK who is your trainer…well, maybe I am. That would involve an extra fee I would imagine.

I actually taught yoga in a health club once which didn’t work out too well because all the buff weight lifters and cross trainers could see us through a glass window. They would laugh and jeer, and some of my students would wonder whether or not the grass really was greener on the other side of the glass. It was difficult to lead the students in a deep, meditative relaxation at the end because my soft music was usually accompanied by the sounds of the weights clanging together and CNN on the television in front of the walking machines.

I grew up going to a country club that my parents belonged to, and this was fun for me because I always ended up befriending the help which would embarrass my parents. I lived to embarrass my parents during my revolutionary years. I’m warming to the idea of belonging to a country club in middle age because they’re full of other middle-aged people who are obviously successful enough to belong to a country club. Incentive for me… and a pool from which to draw in meeting successful men!

I was never invited to join the honors club at school or the debate club or even the not-popular club. I wouldn’t have joined even if I had been asked because I’m just not a very good club person. I did join the ‘Let’s Smoke Pot For the First Time’ club which then held entry for me to various associated clubs in that genre which I did join briefly until they too held no further interest for me.

I joined a spiritual club many years ago, but the initiation into this spiritual club was so freaky and weird that I dropped out the day after I joined. God or no God, I wasn’t keen on their idea of how to get God’s attention.

Now, I’m clubless and couldn’t be happier. No rules, no dates to mark in my calendar or places I have to be, no dress codes and no demands on my time. I understand the club people and sometimes wish I could be a member, but they’ll have to rope and hog-tie me first. Besides, I’m too strange. No club would want me!



On this point KK and I are in complete agreement. No clubs for me except the Country Club where we go swimming in the summer and take the Ancient One for Sunday brunch. There is a dress code for that but looking nice in public is fun.

I think KK and I ARE a club. In our club you have to make people laugh. You can't be in our club if you are rude to service people, eat at Luby's or wear Burkinstocks.

Our club's other rules:
Don't yell.
Love cats and dogs (even if you are allergic to them)
Know who the President of the US is.
Spend time on your hair.
Be willing to participate in our affirmation exercises even if it means you have to humiliate yourself in public on a regular basis.

Well, that's about it,

No comments: