Please rescue me from rescuing! I can't seem to help myself, but I dang sure know how to change everyone else's lives until they are happy, successful and well-rounded. I am not able to give any testimonials yet because those whom I have attempted to rescue have fallen off the wagon a time or two and tried to regain control of their own lives. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Without coming out and actually telling them that because they didn't do EXACTLY what I told them to do, obviously their lives have not improved, I try to gently steer them back on course (my course, of course).
I had absolutely no idea where my talent in this area came from until I recently read about birth order in families. Well, now I KNOW that from simply being the last one out of the womb, I inherited the manipulative, controlling gene! In some ways, this is just not fair because trying to rescue others has caused ME some pain, for heaven's sake...let's get our sympathies in order here.
On the other hand, when I accidentally stumble onto a really great idea that my 'client' both likes, adheres to and SEES wonderful results, it just sucks me back into the game again. It's like golf that way...you can hit 350 errant, shanky, shitty golf shots, but hit just ONE great shot and you think you're Tiger Woods again!
SalGal is so patient with me when I try to rescue her. She plays along, smiling and patient until after a martini or two tries to convince me that she has her own mind, can handle her own life and, insult upon insult...that maybe I could take a strong look at my OWN LIFE!
Pish Posh. That chapter is not in my playbook. Now, as I grow older I realize that those whom I have tried to rescue are continuing to try to live their own lives, which makes me giggle, but every now and then I see them succeeding in their own right, without my instruction or advice, and although I'm delighted for them, it unnerves me just a little bit.
I'm determined to overcome my birth order resume and give up control over people, things and situations that I really can NOT control, but I have withdrawals and pangs...very much like when I quit smoking. I just need to breathe deeply, make the sign of the cross (only because it seems appropriate, not because I even understand it) and take a quick walk around the block to shake it off.
I hope you're all okay out there because my rescue days are coming to an end. I might be able to slip in one or two mor..........NO! Nevermind, forget it...live your own lives...........see if I care!
kk
****************************************************
Well, I'm sorry but KK's rescue days are not coming to an end. It's ingrained. She can't help it and often does it without even knowing it. I have been rescued many times by KK's magnanimous gestures of help. She has helped me with a weight-loss plan, shown me how to tone down my jewelry choices and stopped me from killing a meter maid, the squirrel on the deck and the teller at Wells Fargo Bank. In that way she inadvertently rescued the above mentioned beings.
Let's face it we all need help every now and then and KK is just the one to give it. She enjoys telling people the truth. It's her gift. If you have a big mole on your face, KK will make sure you know it and give you the number for a great dermatologist. If your hair looks like a black widow's nest her hands will fly up around your face and with comb in hand, she will reshape it for you whether you want her to or not. If you are perfect and need and want no help for anything, she will create a really interesting problem for you and then convince you that you have it so that she can fix it. It's a need; a compulsion. Problems must exist so that she can be the hero and rescue you!!
KK should have an advice column. She can give anybody advice on anything. Especially men. She's had a lot of experience with relationships with men. Go ahead. Post a question. I dare you. But beware because if you rescue people you have to tell them the truth. You can't tell a person stuck in a well that everything will be alright if they don't have a rope. You have to say, 'You don't have a rope!' Too many people will tell you that you are fine and that they will go get a rope for you but then other things become more important and you are forgotten.
KK will have the rope in the trunk of her car, explain to you how to climb it as she lowers it down and then, as she pulls you up, tell you your shoes are not seasonal. Like I said, it's a gift.
SalGal
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My Birthday coming up!
You're lucky this notice is just on the blog. I used to stop people in the street to tell them that my birthday was coming up. This year there are only 6 more shopping days until the big day! My birthday falls on the only day in our calendar year that, along with being a number, is also a VERB! To March 4th!!! This will help you to always remember.
I'll be 56 on Tuesday which really means that I'll be starting my 57th year. You see, for those who don't follow this logic...when you're 1 year old, you've actually just spent your first year and are starting your second, so we're all a year older than we really think we are. Isn't that depressing at this age?
And, because this birthday starts my downward spiral toward 60, I'm having to brace myself for about five minutes of deep depression on March 4th. That's about as long as I can ever go on being depressed. Then I remember how short a trip our little bleep on earth really is, and kawhammy!, I'm back to gratitude, glee and laughter.
SalGal and I have planned the MOST fun day! She's given me a Segway Tour for my birthday! You know, Segways are those space-age-looking modes of transport that you see here. We'll toodle all around downtown Austin on these contraptions, then we'll take a tour of our state capital building, which I'm ashamed to say I've never done, then tea in the afternoon at the Four Seasons, capping off my day at a dinner with friends.
Oh, and when it's your birthday, you get to MAKE everyone do exactly what you want them to do. I like to try this every other day of the year, but people don't always cooperate, but on this day, that's it!
Happy birthday to me! I'll tell you all about it next week.
KK
*****************************************
Oh, goody, goody...I love birthdays - anybody's birthday. You get to go shopping for presents and planning fun stuff to do and it's just a gas. I got KK the latest Ultimate Garth Brooks CD/DVD and some really cool Cole Haan spectators that she wanted. She already knows what she's getting because she not only tells you what she wants, she gives you the page from the catalogue, writes down her sizes and then brings up the gift on your desktop. She has some surprises coming too though but I can't tell you what until the day after her B-day.
If there is no one to be with you or give you a present on your birthday, you should go somewhere on your own and celebrate. Go somewhere where you've never been before that you always wanted to see or go to your favorite place and have a glass of wine and tell all the employees that it is your birthday. Celebrate it. Celebrate yourself.
Do a Segway Tour or go look at open houses in the Ritzy part of town. Buy yourself a useless, pretty object, make everybody you see wish you 'Happy Birthday' and make people buy you drinks until you are shitfaced.
If you're an alcoholic you can't do this but you can eat cake and ice cream until your belt pops open. Celebrate your life!
SalGal
Monday, February 25, 2008
WE LOVE OSCAR!
We just loved the Academy Awards and agreed with every choice except for the alien, Tilda Swinton, but don't get me started on THAT!
We produced a short homage to Oscar and our beloved Cate Blanchett who was completely IGNORED!
You may say that we have too much time on our hands after viewing the video that we posted on Oscar day, and we advise not sipping any type of hot liquid while viewing this video lest you accidentally spew it onto your keybaud with the residual dribbling onto your bathrobe!
Enjoy!
Elizabeth and that bitch, Mary
We produced a short homage to Oscar and our beloved Cate Blanchett who was completely IGNORED!
You may say that we have too much time on our hands after viewing the video that we posted on Oscar day, and we advise not sipping any type of hot liquid while viewing this video lest you accidentally spew it onto your keybaud with the residual dribbling onto your bathrobe!
Enjoy!
Elizabeth and that bitch, Mary
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Mmmmmm...Drug Stores
I love the smell of a good old drug store...inhaling a mixture of Vicks Vapo-rub, perfume, hairspray and all the chemicals they use to develop the film from my camera...ahhhh. I know I'm in a place where I can browse for hours. Dr. Scholl's Insoles, Ace bandages and paper clips were not on my list, but I might need these items in the future and well, now I'm stocked up.
Because I color my hair...that's right, I am NOT a natural redhead, I am overwhelmed when I see the hair color aisle. They have to use the entirety of aisle 3 just to accommodate the plethora of colors available to those of us who think of hair as a blank canvas. I've been blonde, brunette, auburn and strawberry blonde...and I say, "Why NOT?"
My drug store sells shampoos that are specially formulated for women who use hair color, so I've got that covered. I don't look at the ingredients because I wouldn't understand what a one of them were, and because I don't want to know that they are exactly the same ingredients as the shampoos that are NOT for women who color their hair even though I'm paying an extra two bucks for that.
I trust my pharmacist more than my doctor. They are taller than my doctor. Not really, and I've always been a bit confused by the fact that the floor of the pharmacy is higher than the floor of the drug store itself. Why do you suppose that is? So we will think they know what they're doing, that they have more power than we do or what? I even like that little opening in the pharmacy counter that is the "private counseling" opening where you can ask the pharmacist in a whisper about what you should use to get rid of the green hairs that grow from your nose. You wouldn't want just ANYone to hear that question. And, they always have the answer. Why, I've had a pharmacist actually tell me that the advice my doctor gave me for something was WRONG and to do what THEY tell me, and so that's what I do because I trust them more than my own doctor!
Second only to a book store is the collection of magazines at a drug store. They have everything from Popular Mechanics to Town and Country. Where else can you buy a birthday card AND a boardgame...a bar of handmilled soap and Glucosamine with Chondroitin?
And, in our town, we still have a drug store with a soda fountain. Their gigantic magazine rack is right next to the soda fountain and they actually allow anyone to pick up the mags and read them while they're waiting for their greasy cheeseburger. Of course, when you go to buy that particular magazine, it's so greasy it slides right out of your hands onto the floor, but it's there if you can handle it.
I don't go to the hippie, organic drug stores anymore because I prefer chemicals for whatever ails me. They work better and much faster, and evening primrose pills gave me HIVES! But, those drug stores serve their purpose and I was able to buy a neti pot there that would not be available through my regular old drug store...as a matter of fact, they didn't even know what a neti pot was. The only reason I used it was to rid myself of a potential sinus infection, and it worked, but if I could have cured it with chemicals instead, I woulda.
I need some Claratin today because our cedar trees are causing me hay fever. I can't WAIT to go to the drug store. Need anything?
KK
************************************************************
My favorite drug store in the whole world was in Santa Fe, New Mexico on the plaza. It was called Capital Pharmacy. It had a white, marble soda fountain counter all the way down the left side of the long room and the drugs at the very back. Why do they always put the drugs at the very back? You would think a pharmacy would put the drug part up at the front.
On a hot day in Santa Fe you could go to Capital Pharmacy and get a cherry-lime. It was basically a little 7-Up and grenadine with 6 limes squeezed into it and then poured over shaved ice. That's right. You heard me, SIX LIMES! Real limes I tell you, not that lime syrup shit. You could sit up at the counter and have a banana split or you could take your cherry-lime outside and sip it while sitting on an iron, garden bench by the fountain and watching the tourists go by. The very best thing though, was to go down to the other corner to Zook's Pharmacy and get a Frito pie. Zook's also made the best grilled, cheese sandwiches of any place in the whole world. Zook's also had a white, marble soda fountain counter that went all the way down the left side of the store too but they had cigarettes and pipes and tobacco and Zippo lighters.
Then you could go back to Capital Pharmacy and get some Pepto Bismal for the heartburn the Frito pie gave you, some coconut oil for the sunburn you got from sitting on the bench on the plaza and a fake, turquoise ring for 'a-buck-fifty' that looked strangely like the ones the Indians were selling on the plaza for seventy five dollars.
Those were the good ole days,
SalGal
Because I color my hair...that's right, I am NOT a natural redhead, I am overwhelmed when I see the hair color aisle. They have to use the entirety of aisle 3 just to accommodate the plethora of colors available to those of us who think of hair as a blank canvas. I've been blonde, brunette, auburn and strawberry blonde...and I say, "Why NOT?"
My drug store sells shampoos that are specially formulated for women who use hair color, so I've got that covered. I don't look at the ingredients because I wouldn't understand what a one of them were, and because I don't want to know that they are exactly the same ingredients as the shampoos that are NOT for women who color their hair even though I'm paying an extra two bucks for that.
I trust my pharmacist more than my doctor. They are taller than my doctor. Not really, and I've always been a bit confused by the fact that the floor of the pharmacy is higher than the floor of the drug store itself. Why do you suppose that is? So we will think they know what they're doing, that they have more power than we do or what? I even like that little opening in the pharmacy counter that is the "private counseling" opening where you can ask the pharmacist in a whisper about what you should use to get rid of the green hairs that grow from your nose. You wouldn't want just ANYone to hear that question. And, they always have the answer. Why, I've had a pharmacist actually tell me that the advice my doctor gave me for something was WRONG and to do what THEY tell me, and so that's what I do because I trust them more than my own doctor!
Second only to a book store is the collection of magazines at a drug store. They have everything from Popular Mechanics to Town and Country. Where else can you buy a birthday card AND a boardgame...a bar of handmilled soap and Glucosamine with Chondroitin?
And, in our town, we still have a drug store with a soda fountain. Their gigantic magazine rack is right next to the soda fountain and they actually allow anyone to pick up the mags and read them while they're waiting for their greasy cheeseburger. Of course, when you go to buy that particular magazine, it's so greasy it slides right out of your hands onto the floor, but it's there if you can handle it.
I don't go to the hippie, organic drug stores anymore because I prefer chemicals for whatever ails me. They work better and much faster, and evening primrose pills gave me HIVES! But, those drug stores serve their purpose and I was able to buy a neti pot there that would not be available through my regular old drug store...as a matter of fact, they didn't even know what a neti pot was. The only reason I used it was to rid myself of a potential sinus infection, and it worked, but if I could have cured it with chemicals instead, I woulda.
I need some Claratin today because our cedar trees are causing me hay fever. I can't WAIT to go to the drug store. Need anything?
KK
************************************************************
My favorite drug store in the whole world was in Santa Fe, New Mexico on the plaza. It was called Capital Pharmacy. It had a white, marble soda fountain counter all the way down the left side of the long room and the drugs at the very back. Why do they always put the drugs at the very back? You would think a pharmacy would put the drug part up at the front.
On a hot day in Santa Fe you could go to Capital Pharmacy and get a cherry-lime. It was basically a little 7-Up and grenadine with 6 limes squeezed into it and then poured over shaved ice. That's right. You heard me, SIX LIMES! Real limes I tell you, not that lime syrup shit. You could sit up at the counter and have a banana split or you could take your cherry-lime outside and sip it while sitting on an iron, garden bench by the fountain and watching the tourists go by. The very best thing though, was to go down to the other corner to Zook's Pharmacy and get a Frito pie. Zook's also made the best grilled, cheese sandwiches of any place in the whole world. Zook's also had a white, marble soda fountain counter that went all the way down the left side of the store too but they had cigarettes and pipes and tobacco and Zippo lighters.
Then you could go back to Capital Pharmacy and get some Pepto Bismal for the heartburn the Frito pie gave you, some coconut oil for the sunburn you got from sitting on the bench on the plaza and a fake, turquoise ring for 'a-buck-fifty' that looked strangely like the ones the Indians were selling on the plaza for seventy five dollars.
Those were the good ole days,
SalGal
Thursday, February 21, 2008
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