tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20168248990211031772024-02-19T07:18:39.458-06:00THE MIDLIFE GALS...Gone GrayJust two Texas sisters saying what you're really thinking...yes, that's right...but don't get us started! Oops, TOO LATE!The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.comBlogger245125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-83286549600684873772019-10-22T16:01:00.000-05:002019-10-22T16:01:05.087-05:00Youth...Pish Posh!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I wouldn’t be young again if you paid me many thousands of dollars. Okay, if you offered me millions of dollars, I would indeed go back to my dentist and have him put the silver metal braces back on my teeth, but I would ask for a million per year (I had to wear them for four years!). I’ve heard that young’uns now-a-days have to wear them for about a week, and they can pick purple if they want to. Injustice number one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">You can tell I’m a senior because I’ve already used the term, now-a-days. Isn’t that pathetic? I didn’t realize it until I re-read that first paragraph. Those terms come out of my mouth without my brain even knowing it. When those expressions escape my lips, the knowingness that I am becoming my mother sends shivers up my bent spine. Injustice number two.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Now that I’ve re-read the second paragraph, I’m not sounding too happy about my age now, am I? But, really...would you be thirteen again...EVER? I grew EIGHT inches in my thirteenth year. By that summer, my little friends came up to my waist. I felt like the Empire State Building surrounded by a sea of three-floor, brownstone walk-ups. My legs were 4’9” long and my neck comprised the other foot bringing my adolescent frame to 5’9”. Injustice numbers three through twelve.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">When you become a senior you just have to trade some things. You trade a turkey waddle for empowerment, waist-level bosoms for the sense of humor you always wished you had, and spider veins for the balls, I mean courage you’ve shown as a senior woman. God is funny like that, isn’t she? She gives and takes, and I think she must be REALLY old, don’t you? </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Oh. I’d devote this paragraph to senior sex, but I have nothing to report. And, I’m not even sure that’s an injustice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">KK</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Yes, that old saying is so true. Youth is wasted on the young. That’s because they’re stupid. You don’t get smart until you’re in your forties. That is unless by then you got paranoid schizophrenia, accidentally went deaf and dumb, or married Donald Trump. Be that as it may, wisdom is wasted on the young. We invented Dairy Queen, free sex, and peasant blouses. We think The Secret is real and that the world will end, so who cares about how smart you are? Really. We only have about three years here to have some fun and max out our Citi Cards.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I guess I wouldn’t mind being young again as long as I can still know what I know now. When I was young I thought all grown-ups were smarter than I was just because they were older and had a cocktail in their hand. Now I’m the older person with a cocktail in my hand and I’m just now figuring things out. It took me 69 years to figure out that you have to do what your heart tells you to do and you can’t get spilled fingernail polish out of the carpet no matter what you do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I know now that the young people of today don’t want to hear anything we seniors have to say. They don’t’ want to listen to our well-learned lessons because they think we are relics who don’t know the first thing about Twitter, Facebook, or MySpace. That’s good, because secretly we are taking over the internet and learning how to use it to rid the world of texting, a Hanna Montana reboot, and Japanese computer-generated avatars with big, huge eyes. You can thank us for that one later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">And won’t you be surprised when suddenly the most important demographic becomes 60 to 80 years old instead of 18 to 24. All programming, ads and products will be aimed at us and ‘90210-2.0’ will go off the air in favor of…’The Kominski Method’!!! So learn all your lessons yourselves, you young punks. You’re on your own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">SalGal</span></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-33966535971748284602019-09-24T14:05:00.000-05:002019-09-24T14:05:00.188-05:00BEWARE the Scam!!!If you live with your sister, put a LOCK on her phone...especially if she thinks that Publisher's Clearing House is going to give her money...ANY money!<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5QB4XxVxsqY" width="560"></iframe>The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-77498115818691715742019-09-09T13:19:00.002-05:002019-09-09T13:19:42.542-05:00<br />
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<b>Sayings We Should Have Learned...like..."NEVER SQUAT WHILE WEARING YOUR SPURS!"</b></h2>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I’ve been thinking about Will Rogers lately. He was the cowboy humorist whose quote is the title of today’s posting...that and, <i>“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”</i> Well, THAT one landed on deaf ears most certainly. He’s gotten me to thinking about metaphors for wonderful sayings that are meant to both help you and make sense at the same time. Perhaps a recap of common sense is warranted today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Never fall in love with a traveling, loner musician in his sixties who’s so stuck in his ways as to be the veritable tar baby.”</i> This saying might be too long and too detailed to serve as a common sense metaphor...okay, it’s not a metaphor at all, big deal...it’s TRUE! Beyond, there be dragons.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Will also said, <i>“Always drink upstream from the herd.”</i> Taken literally, we’d all save ourselves a lot of wasted work days and pain and suffering if we did this...like wearing those surgical masks that the Japanese people wear. They’re not stupid. Look at how many of them there are, probably because they never get sick. I’m just saying.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Here’s another one of mine, <i>“Never ever send an email to anyone unless you are absolutely CERTAIN that the recipient is the person to whom, and with whom you mean to communicate.”</i> I suspicion that there is cyber head shaking, some ‘M-Hmm’s and some, ‘You got that right, sister’ going on over this common sense example. I’m speaking from experience, of course.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">And, pertaining to growing older, Will had a few thoughts on that, so I will close with one that rang particularly true for me:</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b><i>”When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.”</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">This is a very complex and intellectual list. Frankly, I don’t understand some of them:</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Now, why on earth would you want to slap a man, whether he is chewing tobacco or not? Unless you just found out he cheated on you with that ugly-ass blonde from the grocery store lottery counter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Now, why on earth would you ever want to kick a cow chip on a hot day? First of all, what are you doing outside in a cow field on a hot day in the first place? Get inside, turn on the air conditioning, and hire that kid at the neighboring pig farm to go rake up the cow shit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Am I missing something here? What are the two theories? Be specific.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">What the hell?</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I fold my dollar bills twice, so I guess I quadruple my money. But then I don’t put it back in my pocket. I give it to the valet parker at the Four Seasons so he won’t know right off that I’m only giving him one dollar.</span></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">I think there are four kinds of men. What about the ones who learn by listening to women. Oh, sorry….no such man. How right you are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">I don’t get this at all. Just don’t let the damn cat out of the bag in the first place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">ABOUT GROWING OLDER...</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Okay, this is bullshit and would never happen to any woman over forty.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">That’s not true. And, the line for wrinkle creams and cellulite remover are getting longer and longer the more baby boomers turn 50.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">This includes the man you are dating.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">This is just bullshit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Or how crummy – thank God, by then it’s over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.”</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Not if you’re out in a cow field on a hot day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Or baseball.</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i>“If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.”</i></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Yes you will. You can laugh at your cats, your best friend’s new hairdo, or any movie with Keanu Reeves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">SalGal</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">***********************</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 0, 16); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #010010; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">I’m thinkin’ that sal got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!!! You okay, SalGal??</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">KK</span></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-34078760804721007172019-08-19T12:44:00.001-05:002019-08-19T12:44:19.069-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/dh5dWhLpanU/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/dh5dWhLpanU?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Time to revisit the age-old argument...to labor or not to labor on Labor Day!</div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-86368423973184018922019-07-18T13:12:00.000-05:002019-07-18T13:12:58.949-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8cw58GqXBwaVHzR_42BN17i5YOWpAMVqJD8dOy2J9PO3fqgJkDN0FyjHCer28idHR-ULOzinqpeOL5TzylYzFPeVCj_6GddR9yuunYcroH7Uz9hjLJ7NslqAa8r8fwVumuuC35D9yYM/s1600/a+texan+Goes+to+Nirvana+Cover+Art.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8cw58GqXBwaVHzR_42BN17i5YOWpAMVqJD8dOy2J9PO3fqgJkDN0FyjHCer28idHR-ULOzinqpeOL5TzylYzFPeVCj_6GddR9yuunYcroH7Uz9hjLJ7NslqAa8r8fwVumuuC35D9yYM/s320/a+texan+Goes+to+Nirvana+Cover+Art.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!!!!!</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
KK has done it!! Not only is her comic mystery novel available on Amazon/Audible and in paperback, she actually NARRATED the damn thing! Let's just call her audio style 'irreverent.' Yeah, that's it...maybe add 'sarcastic,' 'deeply melodic,' 'dramatic,' 'Texan,' and of course...SPOT ON! </div>
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Her first audiobook review says it all...or most of it anyhoo:</div>
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<h4 class="bc-heading
bc-color-base
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<i>Wildly entertaining and laugh out loud </i></h4>
<div class="bc-text
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<i><b>This is a crazy tale written and told by a gut-busting funny Texan, Kelly Jackson. The story itself is worthy but Jackson's narration brings it to life so we feel like we are there experiencing it all with her. The reading is dramatic and lively, but also comic and artistic. Ms. Jackson is a huge talent who does it all.</b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/A-Texan-Goes-to-Nirvana-Audiobook/B07TYGGYS4?pf_rd_p=e81b7c27-6880-467a-b5a7-13cef5d729fe&pf_rd_r=6EET5AMTHMHGNTYKGC2F&qid=1562708871&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&sr=1-1#customer-reviews" target="_blank">Listen to A Texan Goes to Nirvana here</a></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-3240029356457499152019-06-23T18:02:00.000-05:002019-06-23T18:02:37.889-05:00Audiobook Narrations ARE US!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF7Aj-RtP1JXiyhHIxsp7rt2tDtLAmRnCzicsBxar9uubPZ7EGgzwazEPqXHyAyUgthZHUBzzgHi2BDvDj-PplSHIgsW78kp7Q0O6IXMAzTziMeLcmA-EwU2HxOkwkn13Jt20oxpopLTQ/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="228" data-original-width="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF7Aj-RtP1JXiyhHIxsp7rt2tDtLAmRnCzicsBxar9uubPZ7EGgzwazEPqXHyAyUgthZHUBzzgHi2BDvDj-PplSHIgsW78kp7Q0O6IXMAzTziMeLcmA-EwU2HxOkwkn13Jt20oxpopLTQ/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
That's right! SalGal and KK are branching out...for a fit that suits us like a glove. We are brand new audiobook narrators. Let's face it...we ARE characters, no question or arguments there, so we KNOW about characters, and we LOVE characters, and we have too much time on our hands, which is nothing new.<br />
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This is a wonderful outlet, aside from our 'written-word' madness...now, we can narrate YOUR written-word insanity or gravitas (and being happy while narrating sadness, death, tragedy takes SOME kind of talent...and a vodka martini at the end of a chapter or five!)...we GOT this!<br />
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All of us know SOMEONE who listens to audiobooks with but a few degrees of separation. And, your homework for the day is to recommend us to any author whom you know who has written a book and wants to find the perfect VOICE for their story. <br />
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SPREAD THE WORD PEOPLE!!! Contact KK at fencepostkelly@gmail.com / SalGal at actorsmuse@gmail.com<br />
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Love,<br />
The Midlife Gals At the Mic!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYHWNxNMtZYyCT5KXBdeAO-rySwJIHfuHa6FNQ_VonLITG_nOssjIbvFtxfG1tkGQwQQl1HmHcZkN4AmSM-n3TUJXCkaS44Uz88RJs25tG0Sxte1SbNX1yboacJep9JJPkrE3q8UApnng/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="210" data-original-width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYHWNxNMtZYyCT5KXBdeAO-rySwJIHfuHa6FNQ_VonLITG_nOssjIbvFtxfG1tkGQwQQl1HmHcZkN4AmSM-n3TUJXCkaS44Uz88RJs25tG0Sxte1SbNX1yboacJep9JJPkrE3q8UApnng/s1600/download.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-2995264714034996662019-05-13T13:41:00.000-05:002019-05-13T13:41:45.616-05:00Security Questions? JUST ASK US!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjI-v-bO64JCKMQodUTlpkEjugPKJRpbqEcYJM2aF-wqrDNCUsP-V_LRgWayn5U77gKqCTKvH4erNZ7krA5jioZ-BeYW2eZrfsLBRlcOXqCQZOUm0Z6dl_o0J5dCIHfk-cYCIuFi_M6RI/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="259" data-original-width="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjI-v-bO64JCKMQodUTlpkEjugPKJRpbqEcYJM2aF-wqrDNCUsP-V_LRgWayn5U77gKqCTKvH4erNZ7krA5jioZ-BeYW2eZrfsLBRlcOXqCQZOUm0Z6dl_o0J5dCIHfk-cYCIuFi_M6RI/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="s1">The Midlife Gals have been thinking...always a scary prospect...about 'security questions.' You know, the ones you have to make up for online security...or pick the default questions that some idiot thought up to REALLY trick the criminals. Here's our list:</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">Sal's Security Questions:</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What is your favorite vodka?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The cheapest</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What is your favorite curse word?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Dick head</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What would be your ideal job?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Cocktail contest judge</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What was the name of your kindergarten school?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mother's walk-in closet/purse section</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What do you sleep in?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Only step-ins/no jammies</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">What's your favorite food?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">pâté de foie gras or a Frito Pie with extra cheese</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">*********************************</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
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<span class="s1">KK's Security Questions:</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1">In what location did you lose your virginity?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Parent's living room floor</span></div>
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<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1">What did you name your current automobile?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Kukla</span></div>
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<span class="s1">What goes with olives?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Seriously? Martinis...du'uh.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Which husband was your favorite?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mr. 3</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Now, if we can just remember our answers!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1">KK and Sal</span></div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-57443382960906182572019-04-30T16:17:00.002-05:002019-04-30T16:17:26.780-05:00Happy Mother's Day Deedles!<br />
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We fixed The Ancient One up with a date...which DID NOT go well! </div>
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We miss you, Deedles! </div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-52394075940421172542019-04-08T13:07:00.000-05:002019-04-08T13:07:22.164-05:00Left vs Right...The Twain Should Meet!<div class="p1">
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<span class="s1"><b> Definition Right Brain vs. Left Brain</b></span></div>
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<span class="s1">“This theory of the structure and functions of the mind suggests that the two different sides of the brain control two different “modes” of thinking. It also suggests that each of us prefers one mode over the other.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">This just explains SO much about the difference between SalGal and me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I do suspicion that Albert Einstein had a twisted balance between the two lobes or he wouldn’t have this sensibility:</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b>Einstein Funny Quotes:</b></span></div>
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<span class="s1">Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Sally and I form one perfect whole...okay...an imperfect whole, but that’s another story.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>She lives in a mansion on the water on a different planet most of the year.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>When called back to my left-brain world in order to complete some analytical project that I’ve given her...she brings a small carry-on bag.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>She doesn’t like to stay too long.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I can’t blame her, because there is a teensy-weensy segment of my brain that travels to-and-fro my own right-brained planet, especially when I’m telling a story...I can get very carried away.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">God had such a great sense of humor when forming these two lobes of our brains.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>No wonder she had to rest on the seventh day, week, year...whatEVER.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I’m too pragmatic to believe in an actual figure called God.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>When I see the stars and planets at night, I know that I am but an infinitesimal ‘ash’ spewed from a forming galaxy.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>It’s both a comforting, yet unsettling notion that reminds me of a greater power, but not someone in a toga with long, white hair.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Seriously?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>That’s all we could come up with visually for the essence of love?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I’m getting off track here because sometimes I write while I’m plotting my circular route that will take me through the six errands I have to run and home again within the time parameter I have set for myself.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>At the end of a day, over a martini, I discuss the successes of my day and all of the things I accomplished, which are usually legion because I’m organized, ok?<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Then, I pamper myself by watching shows on the ‘Crime and Investigation’ channel:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Manhunters (US Marshals chasing bad guys all over the country), Food channel: Iron Chef America (a frantic yet highly-organized contest between two chefs to prepare the perfect meal within a one-hour time frame), NBC: Jeopardy (we all know how left brain Alex Trebec is, and to really let loose, I’ll watch Project Runway (creative, right-brainers also frantically working toward making a single garment within a very strict time frame).<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>There is a disturbing pattern that I’ve just discovered after ‘crafting’ this paragraph.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ME!!!!!!!</span></div>
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<span class="s1">KK</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Well, I have to admit that KK is right about everything. She has a good hold on her left brain, analytical, organized ways of looking at the day, while I bumblefuck my way through projects like a monkey in a costume shop. I may decide to put the pants on my head and use a beret as a codpiece, but I do end up with an appropriate wardrobe in the end. I just need KK to tell me how to wear it. “Do these yellow socks go with this red and gold gypsy scarf?” She shakes her head and goes to her closet for some more presentable garb for me, as she balances her checkbook and programs the DVR for daily recordings of ‘SWAT/Aida,Oklahama’ on the way to her closet.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I get things done, dammit. I do. But if I’m on a mission to go to Costco for some kitty litter and olives, and I see a rainbow over the canal, I’m going to pull over and enjoy the show. And if I see a garage sale on Kahala Street with giant conch shells visible on the grass and candles in the shape of mermaids, well, Costco can wait.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">I would really like to have a perfectly organized life but things just get in the way of my plans. If I’m in my left brain for too long a period of time, I get petulant and I have to take a nap and then eat M&M’s as soon as I wake up. I don’t know why….</span></div>
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<span class="s1">KK, on the other hand, needs to know why for everything. “Why can’t you see that the bank is on the way to Costco and to go that way so you can kill of two birds with one stone?”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“Oh, KK, that is so cruel. Those birds never hurt anyone and just because they shit on your car windshield is no reason to plot their deaths by stoning.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">You see what I have to put up with? We just don’t think alike. Our conversations over Martinis today will be interesting as usual. Things she accomplished, things I forgot to do because I saw an albino cat in a window on our street and had to stop and take a picture of it on my I-Phone so I could post it on my facebook page…but I digress again.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">She will understand, as long as it’s a double shot of vodka that flips her into her right brain...that there are no olives in our ‘Teenees’ today because I never made it to Costco.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">SalGal</span></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-815927491253895262019-03-26T13:26:00.000-05:002019-03-26T13:26:19.405-05:00Things The Royals Don't Get to Do or Have<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 12); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; color: #00000c; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Apparently the Royals don’t get to sleep in. There seems to always be someone ‘in waiting’ to assist them, and everyone is on a tight shedjule. The dressers have to get them ready. I’ll bet dollars to donuts the Queen does not own a pair of jeans. That’s a shame, and we feel sorry for her. Elizabeth is of the panty hose generation (thank God that’s over). And, I’m fairly certain that the royal closets do not contain an exercise outfit for her either. No lilac, polyester leisure suit in which to lounge around the palace. I’ll bet she still wears a girdle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Because we long ago won our independence from the British Empire, I am able to say all these tacky things about the Queen. The Brits say some pretty tacky things too, so I’m in good company. It’s just that I wonder about things like this, I mean, when I’m not thinking lofty, sophisticated, intelligent thoughts, which takes up my mornings, but then leaves me all afternoon to ponder the trivial...like whether Prince Philip wear boxers or briefs...briefs on Prince Philip..ROTFLMAO!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">We’ve all been visualizing Will and Kate’s wedding night in the boudoir...oh come on. But, they’ve been together so long already, I wonder if they needed to watch a porn video just to get things going. Probably not. They’re still young. What did her negligee look like? Did he doff a red velvet robe with a matching thong underneath?</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Does the Queen have a Lazy-Boy recliner with the feet that come up and pockets on the sides where she can keep royal documents to work on during Wheel of Fortune (if they get that show in the UK, I don’t know). Do the royal ladies do their own makeup? Probably, because every one of them could use serious make overs. Not Kate though. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Well, that was fun. Just pondering things that make the world more interesting for me. It’s pretty interesting already, but wouldn’t you like to dumpster dive at Buckingham Palace just to see what’s going on in there??????</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Cheerio</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">KK </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Can the royals have simple pleasures? Do they even have a front porch? Do the young couples from the neighborhood push their babies by in Belgian Laced prams trimmed with satin bows and studded with pearls? Do the royals sit there with their perfect martinis in hand and diss the Euro-trash, hoarders who live in the castle down the dale? Never mind that it is the Prince of Monaco and the hoard is a pile of marble statues of Roman Gods piled next to the freezer in the 12-car garage. Still tacky.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I’ll bet you some crispy oysters at The Four Seasons that none of the royals have ever taken a plastic spoon and dived into a greasy Frito Pie, yes, still in the Frito package and dripping with cheese. Poor things, bless their hearts, they are deprived.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">KK and I are going to meet a friend for Happy Hour at our favorite, little French restaurant downtown on Friday. All we have to do is put on some cool jewelry, retouch our ‘J-Lo Sparkles-Are-Good-Bronzer’, and walk out the door. We don’t have to wait for the security team to clear the restaurant, and the five-hundred-thousand-dollar sapphire necklace and matching bracelet to be brought down from the vault in the Tower of London so that we can wear that royal blue, brushed silk cocktail dress that was delivered from the showroom at the Chanel store. God forbid that they would have to go amongst the riffraff to actually shop for clothes. The royals can’t go shopping without the paparazzi finding out what size their bras and panties are and broadcasting that info on the Naked News channel that night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I’ll bet the royals don’t even know what the two-step is…or how a good batch of popcorn at the local movie theater is when it falls out hot and salty from the popper. They must have to rely on Netflix. Can you imagine what they would have to go through just to slip out to the movies and see the latest Vin Diesel movie?</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">God, we’re so lucky,</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">SalGal</span></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-12688710077855438582019-02-10T16:31:00.000-06:002019-02-10T16:31:04.636-06:00Don't Pick Your Valentine Blindly!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thank GOD KK was there to help!!!!!</div>
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The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-14534454482771130172019-01-01T11:29:00.001-06:002019-01-01T11:29:16.633-06:00Happy New Year...Jezebel!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Southern women start the new year off with, what else....black-eyed peas...du'uh! And what goes with those peas...JEZEBEL sauce...if you can just keep KK away from the process!!!!The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-78479674577085157532018-12-24T13:22:00.001-06:002018-12-24T13:22:20.317-06:00For All You Caregivers Out There!!There IS light at the end of the caregiving tunnel. In the meantime, make those for whom you care...PLAY!!! It's a 'short trip,' and you'll wind up with some HYSTERICAL video memories...<br />
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Take THIS as an example.....hehehehe.....<br />
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<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-16572424296541102152018-11-10T13:27:00.001-06:002018-11-10T13:27:22.198-06:00Happy Turkleween Thnksmas!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">You’ve probably bought your turkey for Thanksgiving by now, yes? Good, because these holidays happen FAST! Before you’ve even dismantled the blow-up pumpkin with Casper inside, it’s time to buy the rust-colored fake dry leaves to adorn the Thanksgiving table where the turkey will make its appearance...for about 3.5 minutes before it too will be ‘dismantled’ into our stomachs until there are only bones left. I realize that was kind of a long sentence, but it’s like these holidays...they just go on and on, bleeding into each other until Jan 1...after the black-eyed peas have been presented and devoured for good luck. Then, and only then can we really relax.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I advise everyone to just wear black during these holidays. That way, you can adorn yourself with accessorized color depending on which holiday. Black and orange for Halloween...given. Save the orange and mix it with rust, dull green and chocolate brown and you’re good to go with your black outfit for T’Day. And, the black will be the perfect backdrop for the ridiculous Christmas tree brooches, tree light necklaces and candy cane leggings. We’ve all just gone too far, wouldn’t you agree???</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">It’s really difficult to explain holidays to cats. They are stupefied by a pumpkin and insulted by the requisite scary black cat with its back arched around All Hallow’s Eve. They wind up on the kitchen counter eating every scrap available as we’re at the Thanksgiving table doing the same thing, but with forks. And, the only thing they like about Christmas are the empty gift boxes and the tissue strewn all over the room. They just don’t understand why we don’t leave all that stuff out every day. You can’t explain interior decoration to them either...goes right over their tiny heads.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">So, if you haven’t started feeling overwhelmed by the dizzying holiday seasons, you’re behind! Get stressed, pissed off, bah-humbugged before it’s too late!</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">KK</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Oh, I love the holidays too. That’s partly because I love empty boxes (especially decorated ones), sneaking bites of the turkey left on the kitchen counter, and playing with new toys. The cats and I are exactly alike. If I could hide in a box or take a long nap in a shaft of sunlight, I would do that too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I put a scary witch and some spiders on the door for Halloween. KK told me I was really lame, but she doesn’t’ understand how much fun it is to scare little kids. I wish we could scare little kids at Thanksgiving too, but I’ll just have to settle for a pumpkin by the front door. Decorations are a must for all holidays, as Honoluluans needs to uphold their reputation for obsessive-holiday-compulsions, and all of her denizens must contribute to this tradition. Any kind of yard-art or door-wreath plasticity is highly encouraged by the population of this city. Televisions perched in trees are a mainstay for Christmas decorations and if yours actually turns on, you are considered a genius.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I look forward to Christmas and all of its good cheer and fake snow in the windows downtown. Of course, people in Honolulu go all out to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and Santa Claus seems to embody this festivity more than nativity scenes on the lawns or even lit-up Queen Liliuokalani candles in the windows. I hate Santa Claus…mainly because I sat in the lap of one when I was about three years old and his stale, smokey, bourbon breath almost knocked me into the fake bag of presents by the elf. Even worse than that though was the fact that he had black stubble under his white beard, and then he handed me a scary doll that made me think of my best friend’s mother. That was not good. My best friend’s mother looked like Ed Sullivan.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">But I digress. I need to go into the decoration box and pull out the three-foot-tall papier mache monk holding the cornucopia overflowing with gourds and berries, and put the Christmas lights around him and put him by the door</span></div>
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so people can see how involved we are in the holiday spirit. Then I ‘m going to go hide in a box and lick my cat’s head.<br />
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">SalGal</span></div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-34039273115105611182018-10-06T15:42:00.001-05:002018-10-06T15:42:17.904-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Twick or Tweet!!! BOO!!!!!!!!!!!</div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-28819904662909101342018-09-09T17:48:00.001-05:002018-09-09T17:48:31.895-05:00Let's Re-Visit...the CAR and How it Works!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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KK and SalGal think that you ladies might need a brush up on car maintenance. You've not come to the right place, but we're gonna tell you anyway! So simple...The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-22701881247224919472018-08-04T15:19:00.001-05:002018-08-04T15:19:13.806-05:00To Labor or NOT to Labor on LABOR DAY?!?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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KK and Sal are of two VERY different camps on this issue</div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-12973721566902472172018-07-14T15:31:00.000-05:002018-07-14T15:31:09.810-05:00Photos WILL Be Taken!! Use THIS Trick!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every middle-aged woman needs a friend to help her look her best. Because, really, who is the first person you look at in a group photo...du'uh...YOURSELF! </div>
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TRY THE WADDLE LIFT!!!!</div>
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<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-53261223946294904412018-06-23T14:18:00.002-05:002018-06-23T14:18:40.110-05:00Why, YES, we DO Review Movies!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Remember Almodovar's FANTASTIC movie, Talk to Her? Well, some of you weren't even born when this movie came out, but we loved it and felt compelled to let THE WORLD know all about it!<br />
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Yes, we ARE for hire as movie reviewers...du'uh!The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-65798568658186486382018-06-09T16:56:00.001-05:002018-06-09T16:56:50.494-05:00Here's To YOU, Daddy!<div style="text-align: center;">
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We're thinking that Daddy was already contemplating the Universe and his place therein, because he died a few years after this photo was taken. 1958!</div>
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HAPPY 'wonder what it would have been like to have a FATHER's DAY!</div>
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The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-79707468170064221122018-05-19T16:44:00.000-05:002018-05-19T16:44:24.479-05:00We're Ready to Go!! What a Ride! Bring it ON!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="s1"> Doomsday Check(off) List</span></div>
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<span class="s1">So, we have the kind of survival kit that might make you laugh, and one could argue that we are not ready for anything, much less the end of the world. This got us thinking, so we decided to write our bucket lists of ‘missions accomplished’ instead of things we want to do, because, let’s face it…time’s a wasting or there IS no more time…whatever. Sally’s list will differ wildly from mine, which is why we love each other so much. It keeps the conversation during our evening martini quite lively.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Here is my list:</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Learned how to ride a horse when I was about 3 or 4</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Tied the high school state champion high-jump record when I was in junior high. Premature height had something to do with this. It was either that or play basketball. I didn’t like the girls’ basketball uniforms.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Voted ‘Most Obnoxious’ of my high school senior class. I was actually running for ‘Most Sarcastic,’ but my fellow students apparently thought otherwise.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Lost my virginity at 17 and never wanted to do THAT again!</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Saw my sweetheart on Bob Hope’s Christmas TV special from Vietnam in 1971</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Married 3 times to 3 (okay, 2) amazing men, both of whom I still love</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Got to ride a cutting horse in competition</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Went on a cattle drive in Colorado</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Took a wild horse trek through Tuscany</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Got to see ‘Il Palio’ in Siena, Italy (an 800-year old, pageant-filled horse race around the piazza)</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Asked Samuel Ramey (the Met's famous baritone opera singer) and a table full of fellow opera singers to sing happy birthday to me because it was my 40th birthday...and they DID.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Got to see my daddy’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery, and finally put The Ancient One to rest there with him</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Met Prince Charles</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Went on a few safaris in Africa</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Got to see the actual Lascaux cave in France…with the old man, who as a 14-yr-old, fell into a hole in the ground with his buddies…and there it all was…all the majesty of paintings, stories, hand prints. We all cried.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Saw The Three Tenors sing at the Hollywood Bowl</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Met Merle Haggard</span></div>
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<span class="s1">…and then we moved to Hawaii!!</span></div>
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<span class="s1">KK</span></div>
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<span class="s2"><b>SOME OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD</b></span></div>
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<span class="s1"> OLIVER STONE hired me to do casting on ‘Natural Born Killers’ and then made me play Mickey’s Mom.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"> SAM SHEPARD hired me because I ordered a martini instead of white wine.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">ROBERT ALTMAN fired me because he didn’t like the shoes I wore to work one day.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Kept seeing the actors walking by and talking on horseback and decided ‘City Slickers’ was going to be a bomb.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"> Told a young KEVIN COSTNER in an elevator in 1983 that if he wasn’t an actor he should think about it seriously. He was way ahead of me. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">Worked too many times with MICKEY ROURKE and watched him speed across White Sands, stealing $80,00.00 worth of Armani wardrobe.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Was downstairs in the lobby of the La Fonda Hotel when Mickey shot Carrie Otis.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Cast a TV series for SPIELBERG.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> Watched TED LEVINE do a cross-legged imitation of himself as the killer in ‘Silence of the Lambs’ while he wore chaps and spurs on a western.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Listened to RICHARD HARRIS sing Camelot at a bar in Roswell, New Mexico.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> Got drunk with DERMOTT MULRONEY while listening to a new singer/friend of his named MELISSA ETHRIDGE.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">GREER GARSON was my mom’s best friend and changed my diapers daily after she did ‘Mrs. Minniver’.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"> National Champion swimmer and known on the front pages of all the newspapers in Mexico City as ‘La Tigressa de la Mariposa.’</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> Heard a famous, bombshell, sexpot actress beg CHRISTOPHER WALKEN to let her give him a blowjob and heard him say no because he was married and loved his wife. Restored my faith in men.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Hired eight scientists in charge of the probe to Mars as extras on ‘Speechless’ and talked with them for twelve hours about what was going on at the labs in Los Alamos.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Have FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA’S spaghetti sauce recipe.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Studied Art and English in college for four years and thought I was going to be a painter.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Survived a flashflood on set while running for my life up a ravine with PETER COYOTE.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> Had the star of ‘The Lone Ranger’ throw up in my driveway and two years later had him wait on my table at ‘Jezebel’ in NYC. (Quentin Spillsbury)</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Watched PAUL NEWMAN give Kevin Costner an acting lesson in a scene on a dock in New Harbor, Maine.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1">Watched a stuntman threaten a 16-year-old CHARLIE SHEEN after the teen star pointed a prop gun at him in jest. Listened to Charlie read his poetry under a tree.</span></div>
<div class="p3">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Wore braces on my legs just like Forest Gump’s when I was a kid. I could swear those were mine they used in the movie.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> ‘Weight Watchers’ uses my recipe for homemade mayonnaise in their cookbook and I got gypped out of any remuneration from it.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Said ‘fuck it’ and moved to Hawaii to witness the end of the world. Might as well be in paradise when it happens….</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"> SalGal</span></div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-71238567949796017682018-05-12T18:37:00.001-05:002018-05-12T18:37:06.071-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-wmPZn_pmHTaVfy4KtMT-mdgQDgoupTMOHBvaEyAq-j6cAqkT2L_C0uckZSTEQ1OjEd_uGnMm4TuqHREI9PqKu2ZzsXjVBpCIeV4cXQ8PY_UD-mPQ6AmPubQJMg0gvKj7JSNW4QmDD_Y/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-wmPZn_pmHTaVfy4KtMT-mdgQDgoupTMOHBvaEyAq-j6cAqkT2L_C0uckZSTEQ1OjEd_uGnMm4TuqHREI9PqKu2ZzsXjVBpCIeV4cXQ8PY_UD-mPQ6AmPubQJMg0gvKj7JSNW4QmDD_Y/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
What a lovely young girl was our Mother.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY DEEDLES!!</div>
The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-70252571444775242452018-05-06T18:32:00.004-05:002018-05-06T18:32:53.071-05:00The Woyals...an Interview!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
In honor of the upcoming British nuptials of Harry and Megan, let's take a look back, SHALL WE!?!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/W376lU7CaRU/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/W376lU7CaRU?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-87715150739404637792018-04-15T17:19:00.002-05:002018-04-15T17:19:46.019-05:00Voice Overs...Du'uh! We can DO that!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/zdv2PR1yCEo/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zdv2PR1yCEo?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2016824899021103177.post-21903553262538221302018-03-24T16:34:00.004-05:002018-03-24T16:34:34.817-05:00Buyin New Glasses! A Primer...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ixjtxyY8rig/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ixjtxyY8rig?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />The Midlife Galshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09151693491390234813noreply@blogger.com0